Chatting with a 419 Scam Artist

BY MARC CRISPIN

I get a lot of spam. I am not sure why. I think it might be because I once had a row with a web developer who likely added my email address out of spite to some list.

I do not enjoy receiving spam. If my wife catches me receiving even a Viagra spam email she accuses me of virtual adultery. So, spam is not my friend.

Only when I get abusive email do I bother replying. I am normally super-polite just to annoy the sender even more. I was always taught by my father to blow a kiss to an angry driver who hoots at you. Always have a pile of catholic catechisms ready to give away at the door to Jehovah’s Witnesses who might pester you at your home. Always carry a pocketful of loose change you can throw in the face of a mugger in case they demand your money.

This week I received a spam / scam email from some fellow called Davide Smith from Burkina Faso.

Usually I just bin these letters which promise a fortune but this time I thought I’d reply.

What follows is the conversation we had. I quite liked the lad by the end of our chat ….

Dear Friend,

MAY PEACE BE UNTO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

Please this email is no SPAM message. Your attention to this message will change our life’s believe me, And I NEED JUST YOUR CO-OPERATION.

How are you today? Well it is a pleasure to contact you on this regard and I prayed that this will turned out to be an ever lasting relationship for both of us. How ever it’s just my urgent need for a foreign partner that made me to contact you for this Transaction. I am a banker by profession from Burkina-Faso in West Africa and currently holding the post of Director Auditing and Accounting Unit of the Bank.

I have the opportunity of transferring the left over fund (8.5 Million Us Dollars) Eight Million Five Hundred Thousand United States of American Dollars of one of my Bank clients who died along with his supposed next of kin on March 11th 2007 at Madrid train attack, Hence I am inviting you for business deal where the money can be shared between both of us in the ratio of 60% / 30% while 10% will be mapped out for any expenses that may occur along the business. If you are really interested in my proposal further details of the Transfer will be forwarded unto you as soon as I receive your return mail.

JUST GET BACK TO ME ON THIS E-MAIL (mr.davidesmith@gmail.com) FOR MORE DETAILS ABOUT THIS BUSINESS OK

Kind Regards,
Mr.Davide Smith

 

Dear Davide,

Thanks mate. I’d love to know more. Sorry to hear about your client. But you’re one of those 419 scammers and your IP address is showing up as Nigeria not Burkina Faso.

Thanks,

George

Dear George,

Please send me your bank details. I can use them over here to get f**ky with girls and drink whiskee.

Kind Regards,
Mr.Davide Smith

Dear Davide,

Thanks for your honesty, friend. Let’s hope the girls suck as much as your spelling. I shan’t be sending you my bank details as when you look inside my account you’ll find my wife has me on an allowance of £50 a week and the rest of my hard earned salary gets spent on her and the kids. You might find a few English pounds in there but they will only buy you terrible whisky and that will likely f*ck you up before you get anywhere near any girls.

Thanks,

George

Dear George,

Send me your wife bank details. Or why not send wife with bottle of good whiskee?

Kind Regards,
Mr.Davide Smith

Dear Davide,

Now we are talking.

What’s your tipple my good sir?

Let me know where to send her.

Thanks

George

Dear George,

U r sick man.

Goodnight

Davide

Dear Davide,

Takes one to know one.

Love

George

Dear George,

Send me foto of wife.

Tx

Davide

 

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Dear George,

You keep wife.

You did something wrong in other life George!!!!!

You paying man. O u payin!!!!

Bye freind

Davide

(Exchange ends)

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4 thoughts on “Chatting with a 419 Scam Artist

  1. Hilarious replies…perhaps we should all take time to respond before we send scam emails to junk folder 😉

    Like

  2. Wish that I had thought to give advice to deal with 419 ers et al in a similar fashion to the not inconsiderable number of people who used to seek advice about such “scams”, including the buffoon who threatened me with civil legal action if my advice to delete and ignore content of similar email should be proven to have lost him the chance of making a fortune!

    Like

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