BY ROGER WATSON
Two nights in a Taiwanese sex hotel, and the earth moved for me
The Far East has been the location of many bizarre adventures, as I have reported previously in these pages about airport adventures and trouble in the Taiwan National Museum. One other visit was particularly memorable. Try as I might to flush this one from my memory, it keeps floating to the top like the proverbial ‘unflushable’.
I had been travelling to Taiwan regularly at this point, but mainly to the capital Taiwan or the Pacific coastal city of Hualien. This time I was in the interior with colleagues, in Chiayi County, and it really was one of the most awful experiences in all of Greater China.
Chiayi County has been reclaimed from swamps. But the swamps are still there meaning that it is almost impossible to breathe without inhaling a mouthful of mosquitoes. They were everywhere and inescapable, inside and out.
I remember delivering some lectures with a veritable haze of the little blighters obscuring my view of the students. They got into my mouth, behind my spectacles and I worked up a sweat simply swatting them away. I asked for the windows to be closed but, as it was warm weather, they were open; the university was economising on air-conditioning.
There were mosquitoes in my coffee, they landed on my lunch, and they flew into unmentionable places when I went to the loo. I wondered if things could get any worse and it did not take me long to find out.
We were to be accommodated in the Very Good Motel in Chiayi City which, fun fact, is surrounded by Chiayi County but not part of it. The very word ‘motel’ filled me with despondency. I had never stayed in one, but their reputation was not high among friends and family who had used them. There seemed to be a perfectly good chain hotel nearby, but we were told it was ‘not open’. I am convinced that was a Taiwanese porkie and another aspect of the university’s economy drive.
Three middle-aged men and a petite young blonde Australian woman arrived at the Very Good Motel, where I noticed plenty of smirks and nudges from the staff as we checked in. We soon discovered why—most of the rooms didn’t have conventional doors. Instead, they were accessed via an up-and-over garage-style door, which led straight into the main entrance.
I immediately got the message; these were rooms which could be entered without the occupants having to get out of the car or be seen. The cars would be driven by men and the other occupant would be female. Presumably not the driver’s wife. When I entered the room, my worst fears were realised and, at this point, I will let my Tripadvisor review say it all:
This place is positively shocking. Every room stinks of smoke. The maids leave the door open (it’s a motel) when changing the room and the mosquitoes get in. Some rooms are explicit sex rooms with special Taiwanese love chairs, no doors on bathroom or shower so people can be seen. A free condom. It brings shame on Taiwan, which used to touch my heart…no more. Don’t EVER be tempted to stay here.”
Strong words and, perhaps, I should not have condemned the Taiwanese nation, but the Taiwanese ‘love chair’ – as far as I know, unique to the island – was a contraption to behold. With the help of ChatGPT I found the following description:
A Taiwanese sex chair, sometimes called a “Taiwan chair”, is a type of furniture designed to facilitate various sexual positions while reducing strain on the body. It typically consists of a sturdy frame with flexible or cushioned seating areas that allow for movement and support. The design often incorporates elastic bands, fabric, or suspended elements that help with comfort and ease of motion. These chairs became popular due to their ergonomic benefits, allowing partners to maintain intimate positions with less effort. Some models resemble reclining loungers, while others use a hammock-like structure to enhance flexibility and movement.’
I found it very hard to sleep with that in the room, imagining all the ‘ergonomic benefits’, so I asked to be moved to a room without one. The new room still stank of smoke and was infested with mosquitoes. I turned on the TV hoping to find something to watch which brings me to the next feature of the Very Good Motel. I was treated to a close-up high-definition portrayal of rear entry sex and changing channels just brought up more of the same. All the channels at the Very Good Motel are porn channels.
After two nights, our ordeal was over. We checked out and our hosts took us for lunch during which the restaurant moved a few feet in one direction and then back again. Everything vibrated for a few seconds. A minor earthquake, a common phenomenon in Taiwan, had struck but no damage was done. I have never returned to Chiayi. I shall leave it to its tremors and vibrations.
Roger Watson is a Registered Nurse and Editor-in-Chief of Nurse Education in Practice.