BY GARY McGHEE
There exists a photograph of some of my extended family members, not dissimilar to the one above. At the centre of it is a matriarch, now in her 90s, called Rose. A wonderful lady who, when I saw her at my brother’s wedding, said to me, “I looked after you when you were a baby.” I was 50 at the time and felt duly humbled. The other people in the photo were most of her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. There were over 50 of them (and counting). It is an amazing gathering, truly inspiring, and a credit to all involved—but especially Rose. In many ways, this was her doing: her incredible strength of character and fortitude through some tough times. She was always there for them, for us (and anyone else who needed help, for that matter).
One of the most pernicious things that has happened to our society in recent times is the undermining of the extended family. This is particularly acute in white Western cultures. White native Brits do not breed enough. Too many do not follow the example of Rose and her offspring. Now, I’m gay and have been with the same partner for 28 years (and counting), and I have no kids, so you might think that I have no skin in the game. Wrong.
I never had a proper dad. I regret this, although there was nothing I could do about it. To say that boys need a strong male role model is an understatement. A good father figure is a gift. Absent fathers are a curse. Bad fathers are worse. You’re better off without them. But this, for me, just reiterates the overriding importance of the extended family. They can pick up the slack, regardless of bad apples. The support network they provide becomes more critical. One of the weaknesses of the nuclear family is the risk of isolation and having no one to turn to when things go sour.
Of course, one of the weaknesses of the extended family is relatives interfering negatively in your business, but that can happen anyway. You must balance support with autonomy, and that’s tricky. I think the breakdown of the extended—and indeed nuclear—family, for that matter, is very much an urban thing. People who are brought up in the countryside tend to maintain close relationships with their relatives and favour family ties. This is very much disparaged by townies, who create pernicious stereotypes in their minds about inbreeding and ignorance of the wider world. I’ve known a lot of people brought up in the countryside who moved to cities to get well-paid jobs, develop networks of friends, and have more experiences. But all too often, they end up going back, to be closer again to their roots, because over time they work out that cities are lonely places, and friendship is contingent on being part of the in-crowd and maintaining your status in a very competitive milieu. Even if you are born in a big city, as I was, it is still hard to get on.
There is a trend now for people in the UK to want to move abroad. My response to this is to point out that it doesn’t matter where you go; you find the same problems everywhere—or likely worse. Give up family support networks at your peril. Given the appalling state of politics and politicians in the UK, it is understandable, but to do it for abstract reasons like politics is short-sighted. French roads have no potholes, but I wouldn’t want to live there. Or anywhere else. England is my home, my identity, heritage, and history. I feel safe in my own tribe, and I couldn’t care less what anyone else might think of that. That instinct goes back to time immemorial; it is primordial. Trusting and relying on one’s own was, and is, a matter of survival.
I want to live in a society where the extended family is nurtured and valued. Atomisation has created a lot of the problems to do with a lack of social cohesion. A young local tree surgeon who did some work on my trees recently has 12 siblings. Twelve! And lots of relatives. Now, I’m not advocating breeding on quite that scale, although I find it wonderfully refreshing and a great riposte to those who advocate childlessness. I don’t. However, if my partner and I wanted to bring up kids, we would adopt.
Governments need to incentivise Brits to have more children, especially the native white middle classes, who have been seriously letting the side down on this. Yes, I want a bigger tribe.
Gary McGhee is a semi-retired screenwriter, loving the outdoor life with his partner in the Norfolk countryside. Gary was ‘red-pilled’ before it became fashionable, and believes in liberty, freedom, modernism, and defying herd-mentalities.