BY SAM WHITE
So you want to block Brexit?
Well that makes sense. Democracy can be applied selectively to ensure favourable outcomes. You’ll put the in-group’s preferences first, because their decisions are well-informed.
There’s no moral impasse because the out-group are uneducated and selfish. You’re not selfish because the in-group’s wants are called progressive, while the out-group’s are not.
Your opinions are more valuable than the out-group’s. You don’t read the same news as they do, you read the right news. You’re not a low information voter. You believe in facts, data and expert opinion. You know, for example, that 48%, or 16.1 million, is equal to or greater than 52%, or 17.4 million.
That might be because each Remain voter is one person, but each Leave voter has a value slightly lower than one, due to their fecklessness and lack of information.
Maybe you should be paid more than any Leave voting colleagues. After all, your vote carries more weight and you’re more valuable than they are, so why shouldn’t you be remunerated accordingly?
You’re not indoctrinated like the credulous out-group. There’s no pro-EU bias in the education system–teachers all have the same opinions because they’re all educated, and they educated you too.
And you’re not anti-democratic, you’re upholding democracy. You acquiesce to the political class because that’s how it works. Why rock the boat? You’re in the smart group. Smart enough to let your betters call the shots. You know your place.
You’re the tolerant one, you’re liberal. This is clear because the values you want to see compulsorily enforced by the state are tolerant, liberal values. The ends justify the means. And you have plenty of self awareness—there’s a group consensus on that.
You don’t look down on people who have a different opinion, you want to help them. It’s not good to let people with opinions like theirs decide on important matters. They don’t know what’s good for them.
You think working class people are romantic and witty like in those wonderful Ken Loach films. But they shouldn’t be allowed to influence politics because they’re thick racists too. There must be some way to help them. You help by voting Labour or Green.
You’re glad that there are so many unbiased comedians unpacking this whole EU disaster. They really cut through the bigotry and lies, and they all agree with you. And the actors and pop stars too. All the rogues and the rebels, you love their anti-establishment radicalism, and it’s great that they know to toe the line right now.
Post-truth Brexit Britain is shot through and psychotic, it can’t survive. You’re glad you were right about the pound falling, and now we all have to pull together to talk the economy down. It hasn’t worked yet but it will—somebody has to show the out-group how much they’ve screwed things up.
Maybe Scotland will sort things out, or Jeremy Corbyn, or some lawyers.
You don’t feel British anymore, but what will happen if you’re not European either?
You are the 48%.