BY THE EDITOR Truth does not arrive dressed as a choirboy. It arrives as a ghost at the feast, pale, knowing, and utterly without remorse. In this summer of 2026, that ghost bore the face of Peter Mandelson. For thirty years, the chattering classes have misunderstood him. They called him the Prince of Darkness as a tabloid sneer. They mistook his aesthetic for his essence. … Continue reading The Tipp-Ex Testament
BY ALEXIA JAMES There is a peculiar species of political animal that roams the corridors of Whitehall. It has a brief, dazzling lifespan—rather like a mayfly with a security detail and access to nuclear codes. Its natural habitat is 10 Downing Street, and its average shelf life now hovers somewhere between “a Tottenham manager” and “a head of lettuce.” Yes, Britain appears to have developed … Continue reading The Downing Street Revolving Door
BY FRANK HAVILAND Earlier this month, Reform UK, Nigel Farage’s latest political incarnation, proposed one of the sharpest political ideas of modern times: to site new migrant detention centres in areas that vote heavily for the Green Party, which famously advocates for a “world without borders”. Likely locations include the historic Green Party stronghold of Brighton, but after last week’s local election success the list could easily extend to … Continue reading Reform’s Radical Agenda
BY SEAN WALSH This “leadership” talk is yet another devil’s illusion. We were expecting a Jason Statham or a John Wick blockbuster. Instead of that we’re being served up one of those interminable Scandinavian things. Not noir either, like The Killing, but worthier fare. With themes. Of interest only to the critics. Actually that’s unfair to the interminable Scandinavian things. Whatever is happening in the Labour party is … Continue reading Still There
BY THE EDITOR You have been told that one name may fall. That another may rise. You are encouraged to feel hope. This is a trap. Consider your current condition. You live under the apparatus of Starmer. He is not a man. He is a function. A grey suit filled with procedural dust. He speaks in paragraphs sterilised of meaning. His cruelty is administrative. His … Continue reading Labour Chaos: The Succession
BY JIM BROWNE Clagnut. It arrives from the Northern English ‘clag’ — a sticky, clinging mass, the kind of mud that coats your boots on a Lancashire farm and refuses to let go. Add ‘nut’: a small lump, something you might find in places you would rather not examine too closely. The result is a term of singular, devastating precision: a small piece of faecal … Continue reading The Clagnut Prime Minister
CITY GRUMP You could argue that the Green Party has been cruising along happily in its eco-bubble for years when, suddenly—a la Ridley Scott’s Alien—out of the body politic bursts one Zack Polanski, creating mayhem wherever he goes. But, as in Alien, will the Ellen Ripley equivalent (Kemi Badenoch?) do for him? I don’t think Polanski is a 2026 Alien, but for me, the question is more: … Continue reading Is Zack Polanski Demonic?
BY SEAN WALSH “I am satisfied the relevant processes were followed. The men are ascending and descending at the same time.”— Keir Starmer The English language is pretty useful when it comes to describing things, but it can only do so much. Some things are beyond its scope: the malignant, ordinary-yet-strange quality of the Prime Minister and First Lord of the Treasury, Keir Starmer, for … Continue reading Starmer’s Process State Is an Escher Universe
BY PAUL T HORGAN Of course, Sir Keir could see a revival in the opinion polls. British armed forces could reveal a Wunderwaffe that, when used by Ukrainians, causes the Russian hordes to retreat from Ukraine like the Blue Meanies did from Pepperland when confronted by The Beatles, while, when used by the USA, permanently secures safe passage in the international waters of the Straits of Hormuz. … Continue reading Kicking the Can
BY PAUL T HORGAN Anything connected with Peter Mandelson seems to inevitably send shockwaves around Westminster and beyond. This is what Mandelson does. As Labour spin-doctor in the 1990s, his job was to disrupt the media landscape and reshape it to an approximation of his design. He did this by commoditising news. After Black Wednesday in 1992, simply everyone in the media seems to have … Continue reading The Mandelson Question
BY TOBIAS GRUB ‘Reginald’ – Straw-Stuffed Independent Takes 63% of Vote on Anti-Pigeon, Anti-Party Ticket LITTLE PIDDLECOMBE, DEVON – In what is being described as the most shocking upset in Devon politics for years, a scarecrow erected outside Piddlecombe Village Hall has been elected to the parish council. “Reginald” – a burlap-headed figure dressed in a moth-eaten tweed waistcoat and one broken welly – stood as … Continue reading Scarecrow Wins Election
BY JACK LANG You have to understand the type. In Kipling’s India, you would meet him at a hill station, a man who would explain the local customs to you very slowly, as if you were a mildly defective coolie. He had a small moustache, a smaller sense of humour, and a profound belief that the universe would reorganise itself if only everyone filled out … Continue reading The Dragon-Slayer of Ponders End
BY NIALL MCPHERSON From the Fabian ‘Wolf’ to the Communist Fist, the Left’s Long Romance with Violence In a quiet corner of Lyon, a young man lies dead, his skull fractured by the boots of masked militants. Quentin Deranque, a nationalist student whose only crime was to stand in defence of women exercising their right to peaceful protest, has become the latest offering on the … Continue reading Crimson Tide
BY DOMINIC WIGHTMAN There is a peculiar and necessary cruelty in the language we reserve for our exhausted public men. When we reach for the ornithological, we are not being poetic; we are being clinical. To be termed a ‘lame duck’ is to be diagnosed. It is to be marked not merely for failure, but for a kind of biological irrelevance. The image is precise: … Continue reading The Lame Duck
BY PAUL T HORGAN That Morgan McSweeney would have to quit his job in Downing Street was all but inevitable as soon as Peter Mandelson was sacked, but it was not for the reasons he gave in his resignation statement. The clue is in his job. McSweeney was Chief of Staff in Sir Keir’s operation. Being Chief of Staff means being able to fire said … Continue reading Roll Out the Barrel
BY PAUL T HORGAN SW1, Friday February 6, 2026: Politician “Shocked” That He Has Been Lied To There was outrage in Westminster, when a leading politician admitted he was “shocked” that he had been lied to by another, but less leading, politician who had once been a quite leading politician before having been forced to quit over questions of honesty a few times. That politicians lie … Continue reading ‘Shocked’
BY PAUL T HORGAN 2am, 2 February, 2026, London: Buckingham Palace announced today that, in the light of recent revelations discovered in the Epstein Files released by the US Department of Justice, the Prince of Darkness would have his title revoked. Peter Dark-Ness, as he will now be called, was found to have continued his association with the untimely deceased millionaire paedophile after said person … Continue reading Prince of Darkness Stripped of Title
BY PAUL T HORGAN Well, it was all over before it started. The accelerated timetable for Labour to select a candidate meant that less than a week after offensive Whatsappist Andrew Gwynne decided he had to stand down for mental health reasons as MP for Garton and Denton, Greater Manchester Mayor Andy Burnham has been told not to give up the day-job that he liked … Continue reading Andy Burnham – What He Said, What He Meant
BY SEAN WALSH Starmer’s demise is like the final minute of the spin cycle: never ending. I suppose part of the fun in making political predictions is the post-hoc analysis of “why I was right when I said this would happen and it didn’t”. And knowing you can be serially wrong without any professional consequence. There’s quite a bit of this about at the moment, much of … Continue reading Sunk Cost Fallacy Territory
BY PAUL T HORGAN While the Conservative Party is vying with a lump of uranium to see how much of its mass can leave the main body – and doing rather better – this is a deflection from the big question: Sir Keir has failed as a Prime Minister, so when will he step down? The defection of Robert Jenrick has had a predictable outcome. … Continue reading Counting the Days
