BY SEAN WALSH
I have instructed my solicitors Phillips, Schofield, and Childs to issue a “cease and desist” letter to Mr. Professor (Emeritus) Richard Dawkins on the grounds that the title of his book “The God Delusion” could be considered libellous. I will set out my reasons to myself below, while reminding myself, Mr. Peter Hitchens, that I am not a lawyer.
It is what the philosophers call a “logical contradiction” to claim that an all-knowing being (God) could suffer from such a thing as a delusion. This is only partly a theological issue. “Delusions” as such do not exist as a category in medical scientific literature, being no more than ancillary products of our depressing education system. About which, if you really want to insist on believing that our schools have not been in decline since at least before they were invented then I have little more to say to you. I wish you good day.
I am not willing to go so far as to claim that Mr. Peter Sutcliffe was innocent. I’m not a legal expert. All I will say is that according to a very detailed article in last week’s New York Times there is good reason to conclude that the judge who presided over the case had been a regular user of the marijuana drug for several terms as a university undergraduate, prior to being rusticated for an undisclosed transgression. We know at the very least that he is likely to have been suffering from some manner of residual drug-related psychosis. This must have sullied his summing up. I’m no fan of Mr. Sutcliffe but that is quite clearly not the point.
To secure a mutually convenient time to meet with a general practitioner now involves extensive negotiation. This might be another failure of the modern state school system (see above) which has been in decline since its inception in 1325. Research has shown that a depressing number of receptionists (receiving what? You may well ask!) were denied the possibility of rote learning in kindergarten. We were once a great nation in which all general practitioner receptionists were trained via “old-fashioned” (to whom?!) methods of learning, but now in this as in all else we are an international laughingstock. If delusions did exist (please see above) then we would have them of grandeur. I have been saying this for years, but nobody will listen to me.
I am aware that I have used the passive tense twice in the above paragraph (citations forthcoming). This is a solecism of which my late brother, the writer Mr. Christopher Hitchens, would not approve. To which I offer only the following witty retort: my grammar may be imperfect but at least, unlike him, I have never defended an unjust and illegal war. Nor have I traduced the memory of a beatified Saint as he did with Miss Saint Mother Teresa of what I still insist on calling Calcutta.
I am no fan of opinion polls. As I was the first to point out they are designed to deliver a predetermined result. But if I had to vote for a favourite hangman, I would have no hesitation in nominating Mr. Albert Pierrepoint, who during a long and illustrious career managed to cultivate a base of at least 400 inadvertent clients. Mr. Pierrepoint had a reputation for punctuality (too much so for some of his customers –Ha! Ha!), diligence, and courtesy. He was impeccably turned out and despite being a publican and a member of the working classes would not be without a necktie (outside the matrimonial quarters). Needless to write, the film made of his life, starring the Australian actor Mr. Timothy Spall, bears little resemblance to reality, being no more than an exercise in political correctness.
Personally, I am conflicted on the matter of capital punishment. Punishment in general is past its best. Can we really trust the state to make these life and death decisions when it is unable even to sort out the contagion of electric scooters and the collapse of our transport infrastructure? I suggest we bring back the railway line connecting Oxford with the East Coast counties of what used to be the United Kingdom before we think about hanging. We need to remember that had the death penalty not been abolished then the likes of Mr. Peter Sutcliffe would not be with us today.
Sean Walsh is a former university teacher in the philosophy of mind. That was a while ago – but he keeps up with the subject. 2015-2017 he was slightly homeless. He now writes and is the very proud father of a wonderful child. He is grateful for everything he has.