Angry Corbyn Bans Pied Piper Panto


In a Country Squire Magazine exclusive, we can inform readers that a performance of The Pied Piper in pantomime format – planned to be performed at the Gobowen Labour Club in Oswestry – has been cancelled due to pressure from Labour Party Headquarters.

Flyers for the event, due to be held over this Easter Bank Holiday, were distributed weeks ago and the event was completely sold out.

The flyer reads:

This cracking new version of the Germanic tale could be just what you’re looking for!  True to its roots in folklore, but packed full of up-to-date comedy, this is “much more of a panto” than most other versions. Sour-Kraut (the black witch), and Rat-Whitevan (the chief rat) battle it out against Fairy Strudel Jones and a host of comical characters, including the Baroness Sham, who sees no evil, hears no evil but happily speaks evil for a peerage.  Some unusual scenes include Sham’s pig farm and a hilarious sausage cooking routine. There’s plenty for the Chorus and Dancers to get their teeth into, particularly the junior members, who are piglets in one scene and also get to play the rats (wearing Momentum t-shirts) and the young townsfolk, who are spirited away by the bearded Piper. One scene, where the firebrand character Old McDonald calls for the lynching of all Tories and disbanding of the British army, has been well-received during a rehearsal in a local block vote mosque.

It is understood that Jeremy Corbyn’s office are, literally, on red alert. Especially now that Labour faces oblivion over its antisemitism crisis, with a shocking recent poll suggesting 65% of Labour members hold anti-Semitic views. Labour party members dressing up as piglets was immediately red-flagged by Labour command, who are understandably on tenterhooks, while the Pied Piper theme was considered too close to the bone: “It reflects Corbyn as a groomer of the yoof and we just can’t let slip that this story always ends in tragedy,” related one worried Labour source (we have translated directly from the Russian).

What can Labour high command ban next?

Gobowen Labour Club insiders are getting very worried about the viability of an upcoming stripper night featuring Crystal, Shropshire’s Sexiest Seductress. The event is being advertised as Crystal Night.

“If Corbyn’s lot hear about that, we’ll have to cancel,” confided one organiser, “Labour HQ might misinterpret the event as some kind of book burning and we’ll have the Livingstone nuts coming up here in a heartbeat.”

Happy Easter, this first of April, Dear Readers of Country Squire Magazine.