Let’s Groom the Young

BY JAMES BEMBRIDGE

Every time the identity-obsessed and self-loathing views of our cultural betters at the BBC are proven not to be as well-shared as they thought – especially by the proletarians of the provinces – one imagines that a meeting takes place with the same denial and ostrichism displayed by Hitler in the film Downfall. Perhaps it goes down something like this…

Deep in the bowels of BBC HQ, the evil Minister of Propaganda rubs his hands with glee as he devises a new and more inclusive term for manholes. His meeting is interrupted by Madeline, a young English rose with dreadlocks, who was hired courtesy of a diversity initiative by self-identifying as opaquely black and translucently sexual.

MOP: Ja vat is it? Haffe vu prought zee hezically zourced hemp milk latte?

Madeline: No, sir, it’s the masses – they’ve won.

MOP: Nein! Nonzenze, Ve can schtill prake zeir zouls. Moffat vill Hazemple his team to create ein Doctor Vo sbecial in vich ein arab lespian challenges zee heteronormadiffe tyranny of footpall chat in zee vorkblace.

His team look at one another sheepishly…

MOP: Vat is it!?

Madeline: That’s just it, sir, no one watches Doctor Who anymore.

MOP: Madeline, zink yourzelf demoded! Vu vill sbend zee rest of your mizeraple years broducing canned laughder tracks for Nish Kumar!

After four years of BBC hosts dulling any positive finance stories that have occurred ‘despite Brexit’, one would think that a Tory landslide on the back of an explicit ‘get Brexit done’ policy would inspire reflection on and inside the institution. Instead, the powers that be at the BBC seem to have abandoned any hope of re-educating voters, opting to go straight for the next generation via shows like the CBBC‘s Horrible Histories – yes, we know the BBC has a tendency to ‘start with them young’.

This telescreen broadcast is hosted by “comedian”, Nish Kumar, who has the remarkable talent of telling jokes which decide whether or not you are a thought criminal. As Orwell said, ‘England is perhaps the only great country whose intellectuals are ashamed of their own nationality’. Although, if humour is a mark of intelligence, then we can hardly call Nish an intellectual. When speaking to The Guardian, Mr Kumar had a moment of uncharacteristic introspection, where he asked himself: ‘Am I helping further entrench the political divide?’ For context, not that we are told it matters anymore, here is one of Kumar’s jokes: ‘I want you white people in the audience to do something for me… I want you to go home and kill your Brexit-voting parents‘ – what could be more unifying than that?’

If you haven’t seen it, in the CBBC clip, Kumar gives a bizarre rant about Brexit to the under-10 audience, ending it with a snide ‘go Britain!’ remark. The viewer is then lulled into a false sense of comfort as the camera mercifully cuts from the Ministry of Truth’s comedian. But before there is danger of one raising one’s spirits, the viewer is then assaulted with a ballad explaining how there is no such thing as Britishness after all, performed by our late Queen Victoria, no less. Well, in one way it’s a relief, if Britain doesn’t exist then she can hardly be guilty of any of the crimes attributed to her by the BBC. Not that their anti-British bile is to be restricted by such cognisance. They claim that Queen Victoria benefited from slavery, despite it being abolished before she came to the throne. The film then asserts that tea came from India yet omits that it was we British who brought it there from China.

This isn’t the first time the BBC has sacrificed historical accuracy in favour of pushing its over-corrective and diverse agenda. In 2017, they produced a cartoon purporting to depict life in Roman Britain. The ‘typical Roman family’ was shown to be a high-ranking black soldier. Historian Mary Beard argued that it could have loosely referenced an Algerian born man from that time, Quintus Lollius Urbicus. But even if that were true, his Roman family would be far from ‘typical’.

Unfortunately, this wokist drivel isn’t contained to the BBC’s ‘educational’ output.

Our childhoods are being stolen by people who will never have children. Within 10 years, Doctor Who has gone from a badass in a leather jacket to a rainbow-clad gorgon on a mission to take on the patriarchy. After having lost one million viewers, the BBC’s response is to make the next Doctor a female person of colour. Well, if there’s any justice in this world, then she better be a paraplegic – if nothing else, it would add tension and a better chance of equality of outcome to the Dalek chases.

It could be that the BBC actually sets out to make shows deliberately niche and off-putting to the average viewer as writers did in the early 20th century in a bid to prevent the new readership of the masses from enjoying their work. They would deliberately write in the abstract so that writing would remain a preserve of the elite.

Director General of the BBC, Tony Hall, said that the BBC must appeal to the young. The only trouble is, their vision of youth seems to be via the literal consumerist – sorry, communist – Ash Sarkar, if her prolific number of appearances on the broadcasting station are anything to go by. They even invited her to take part in a documentary on the Holocaust. Her only qualification being that she opposed the IHRA definition of antisemitism. Why continue to invite someone who, until recently, described herself on her Twitter bio as ‘fucking like a champion’? Who told her that she does anyway – a BBC producer perhaps?

It’s safe to say that whoever commissioned this BBC child propaganda should get stuffed. Laughably Kumar’s work has its defenders claiming “free speech”. It’s not though, is it? Free? We the British public are paying for this rot. Either we get a refund, or the BBC rids itself of this insulting and sinister grooming. The BBC’s slow and painful suicide seems to be unstoppable… especially now they are resorting to going after our children.

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