Only Fools & Remorses


In 2005 BC (before Carrie), Boris Johnson illuminated what was the obvious bleedin’ truth to any Conservative (or anyone with an IQ higher than their age) by writing that the fox hunting ban was

“Not about cruelty but a Marxian attack by the Labour government on the upper class”.

By portraying fox hunting as a cruel, upper-class thing rather than a traditional country thing done by all classes of people, the ban was very popular with the other, urban, 85% of the public and, being a purely political exercise, was unsurprisingly a disaster for the UK’s fox population. That’s because the ban was about soft, well-fed modern people’s own marshmallow sentiments and a headbanger’s fictional class war, but not about fox welfare. 

Now, as a result of the ban, the mental anguish of snowflakes is much diminished, but now foxes, no longer magnificent adversaries, are classed with rats as vermin and often wounded, poisoned or snared, all of which increases their suffering exponentially.

That worked out well, didn’t it? 

Presently, we have a new ban in the offing, using the same Marxist inspired “cruelty” slogans aimed at the “rich”. It’s the idiotic proposed Ban on the Importation of Hunting Trophies. Again, it is popular with the UK public, rides roughshod over the wishes of people who actually live with the wild animals, and, unsurprisingly once again, it will be a predictable disaster for wildlife because there is not a shred of truth, scientific or ecological evidence to support it. 

In spite of the best efforts of actual rich, self-indulgent and opportunist pseudo-conservatives like Zac (Goldsmith), Carrie and their little Norwegian Blue parrot George Useless, the government, having first proposed the Import Ban in the 2021 Blessed Speech as a populist knee-jerk vote-catcher, soon discovered (upon viewing the actual evidence) that they had completely foxed-up again, this time hurting poor, rural African communities as well as the wildlife. However, without the testicular fortitude to do a U-turn across the double white lines of social media, they then tried to ignore their blunder, hoping it would die quietly. 

It was therefore particularly disappointing when a Conservative MP, Henry Smith, resurrected the tragic but comatose mistake with a Bill attached to his Private Member.

A Conservative MP introducing a nasty, foundation-less, left-wing class-war Bill shows that politics have now followed sexuality and gender into the great blender of modern fluids and amoral self-indulgence.

It’s even more acutely embarrassing when his Member’s Bill comes up for its second reading in the Westminster Asylum this week, on November 25th. 

Of course, the prospect of a ban has driven the ARVIEW (Animal rights/Vegan/Insane/Extinction/Whatever) activists into a state of misguided hyperactive ADHD, with the perfidious Portuguese parasite Eduardo Gonçalves feeding them a high-sugar Tartrazine diet via the manky Mirror’s political DepEd, Bent Gaze.

The Mirror’s latest wheeze is to trundle out “popular TV doctor, Amir Khan ” complete with a po-faced YouTube fibeo, regurgitating the same old lies, disinformation and fake stats that dropped foxes into the poo. Of course, being a celeb TV doctor worth an estimated £1-£5 million, he doesn’t have to rely on visiting hunters for his job, income or dietary protein, doesn’t suffer many attacks from dangerous wild animals in the posh end of Bradford, and he clearly hasn’t the faintest idea what rural economics, modern African conservation, sustainable hunting or trophy hunting are all about, let alone the challenges of living on $1 a day. However, having an expert knowledge of gynaecology and being used to little pricks as patron of the British Hedgehog Preservation Society, he is extremely well-placed to support Gonçalves and Henry Smith MP. 

The manky Mirror’s fake-ridden article with sleb Dr K features a stream of supporting lies confected by the gloriously mis-named Humane Society of the United States (HSUS) (D rated by CharityWatch) through its bastard child Humane Society International (UK) and their PR cowpat polisher, Arthur Thomas. He comes to this den of eco-thieves via HSI and IFAW (quelle surprise, mes enfants), and before that, the Deaf Society, explaining why he can’t hear the cries of poor rural Africans whose lives he is busy destroying. 

We were wondering when the big bandits like HSUS would appear at this feast. Regular readers will be aware that HSUS is a notorious global eco-chugger that faced racketeering charges in the USA. From gullible animal lovers, it hoovers up (2017) $142 million a year and has $285 million in assets, $70 million of which it has stashed offshore in the Caribbean. It should come with a financial health warning on the packet, doctor. HSI(UK) was also the first great super-spreader of animal rights poison into this country, whose UK CEO at the time was none other than Dr “Fishvet” Jones, now resident liar-in-chief at the awful Born Free Foundation, who jumped ship coincidentally when the little matter of racketeering in the USA cropped up. Ah, Dear Reader, the apples don’t fall far from the tree, especially when they are rotten.

The manky Mirror and Dr K’s hate-speech article really does churn out all the same old lies that were churned out in the build-up to the old fox-hunting ban, except this time round, they have inserted “rare, endangered animals” instead of “foxes” – otherwise it is all the same theatrical chunder – “bloodthirsty cruelty, killing for fun, rich people”, etc, etc. It is not necessary to bore you with the details, but properly qualified links and data are available as proof to their lawyers. Nobody pees on the eco-fireworks by mentioning the estimated 350,000 deer shot in the UK annually, or the estimated 20,000 hunting trophies taken home by foreign visitors to the UK every year. 

Then the Mail on Sunday weighed in, wheeling into the campaign-ring that wrinkly and loveable old touchy-feely, Sir David Jason, held up by strings. He’s now one of their willing fools and (pack) horses, bringing to the table his deep experience of the Peckham jungle and savannahs. He has apparently “sent a letter to all MPs urging the ban”. Really? I wonder if he even read it, let alone wrote it. He added, “I cannot understand how (trophy hunting) is still legal”.

Points from the Mail on Sunday’s Del Boy master class on fakery include: 

thousands of trophies of animals (trophy hunters) have shot including lions, elephants and giraffes”.

Blatantly misleading deception.

Most trophies are very common species raised on private hunting reserves, (including Southern giraffes, and all are subsequently eaten, very common and are not the least endangered or even counted in red lists). The rarer “wild” trophies are subject to strict hunting permits, import laws and IUCN/CITES control, and are a LOT fewer in number, in fact “there were about 20 licensed imports of trophies in the year 2020” (Lord Benyon in Hansard). So, “20” is the truth, but “Thousands” is deception. 

“Hunting … is wiping out endangered animals in Africa.”

No, it’s not. That is a barefaced lie. There isn’t a shred of scientific evidence anywhere that modern regulated hunting is wiping out ANY endangered animals in Africa. None. Fake news.

“Is possibly the worst and most senseless kind of animal cruelty.”

No, it’s not. Trophy hunters stalk carefully and aim to harvest with a single shot, minimising distress, the very opposite of cruelty. Indigenous hunters, who, as a human right, kill animals in rather less humane ways using pitfalls, snares, spears and darts. Fake news.

“the pleasure someone can get from killing an animal for kicks”.

Trophy hunters don’t…a hunter becomes a predator, a part of nature, where death happens every day. The difference between a hunter and a photo-tourist is the difference between an artist and a visitor to an art gallery. If you don’t hunt, you have no idea, so you make up our own narrative.

“How can someone kill an animal that’s been bred in a cage just to be shot”.

Fake news. No animals are bred in cages to be shot. None. More than 10,000 lions are bred in farm enclosures on lion farms in South Africa (SA), but they have to be fenced because they are lions (not many roaming Peckham, either Del Boy?). By law in SA, they can only be hunted legally on foot, as ferals, in a minimum enclosure of 2000 acres. Some cage.  Lions are probably shot in cages in SA – but by slaughter men at knacker’s yards, for safety. That has nothing whatsoever to do with hunting, let alone trophy hunters or any importation of their trophies.

One in three Tory voters said they would switch their vote to another party at the next General Election if the ban does not come into force…. this could cost the Tories lose 102 seats in England”…

Political scrote-squeeze or “How to frighten an invertebrate MP”. Those with a backbone should ask the voters instead if they want to wipe out millions of animals and millions of acres of habitat, presently supported by hunting, bringing great hardship to rural Africans. Without hunting, it would all be abandoned or turned over to cattle (Africans’ traditional bank account) and ALL the wildlife would be gone. That’s what a stupid ban will do in the real, grown-up world.

There are now less than 7,000 cheetahs and just 3,000 black rhino left on earth”.

Misleading. Nothing to do with trophy hunting. Cheetahs need huge expanses of habitat, but their habitat is shrinking due to human population increase. The area with the most trophy hunters, Namibia and SA, is the only area where cheetahs are increasing. Likewise rhinos, actually now 6,000, up from 2000 twenty-five years ago. Kenya banned trophy hunting thirty years ago and has lost ALL of its indigenous white rhinos and a massive 60% of the rest of its wildlife. Without value to rural people, wildlife disappears. A hunting ban destroys that value. Fact.

And an alarming new study by the charity LionAid warned the number of lions in Africa has fallen below 10,000 for the first time”.

Fake news from a dishonest tin-shaker. There are at least double (20,000) that number of wild lions in Africa and they’re increasing slowly in places (try Panthera for the actual truth, Sir Dave). Then there are more than 10,000 lions EXTRA to this “wild” number on SA lion farms alone (see above), many bred to be released and hunted as ferals. If you shut the “blood” lion farms down, you will kill a third of all Africa’s lions in one stroke because there is nowhere wild left to put them. That’ll help lions a lot, because then poachers will come for the wild ones for sure. Then they’ll ALL be gone, and you’ll be left with only fools and remorses, Del Boy, old son. 

How can a person shoot a defenceless animal from 200 yards and call that ‘sport’?

Oh, dear… The term “sport” hunting separates it from “subsistence” hunting, done purely for food or “cull” hunting for animal management reasons. The skills are all identical.  Trophies might or might not be kept in all three cases. Defenceless?? The “big five” are called that because they will kill you in an instant if you make a mistake, although all large game animals, including hippos and giraffes, are very, very dangerous. Coming from a lovely but dim old actor who couldn’t bash a cow up the arse with a frying pan, it all sounds pretty rich, as though he’s reading lines on a script. 

I would suggest a 200 yards single shot kill, using a rifle that kicks like a mule, while not military sniper designation, is still fair hunter marksmanship. Most hunters try to stalk to within fifty yards. To understand what is involved in hunting even placid UK deer, let alone ferocious African creatures, the details of what’s involved are here. Then come back with an informed sneer.

Eduardo Goncalves, founder of the Campaign to Ban Trophy Hunting, said: ‘There is incredible public support for the bill to ban British trophy hunters’ sick ‘souvenirs’. It is backed by some of the country’s most respected public figures like David Jason, Ranulph Fiennes.”

Oily Eduardo should be done for geriatric abuse. With his sticky Fagin fingers in it, no wonder the whole thing is a tissue of lies and deceit.

The whole thing is actually pure hate speech, Dear Reader. At this rate, hunters, gamekeepers, farmers, pest controllers and all gun owners will have to wear yellow stars before long. It has to be stopped. Get hunters, a group of humans far older than any other group, added as an identity group to the legal definition of hate speech. 

Please note the political (rather than real, scientific or ecological) theme running through this whole unfortunate episode. Because it is a purely political and a power exercise that hasn’t got a hope in Hell of helping any actual animals, I took a brief peep at the political scene, and sure enough, up popped Dr Khan again in PoliticsHome, the “indispensable information source for the most influential people in UK politics” and “most trusted source of political information in the UK”. 

When I “reached out” (pass the sick bag) to the Editor of that august publication and explained that the fake statements contained in their Khan article were not very compatible with the concept of “trusted information”, and, having no balancing, hunting or even scientific supportive evidence, Dr Khan’s fictitious flatulence amounted to HSUS propaganda, fake news and rather poor fare for politicians trying to debate the subject objectively this week, I was politely informed by the Editor that the article was clearly labelled, 

“The article you refer to is clearly labelled as “partner,” i.e., paid for content – effectively an advertisement – and as editor I have no input into its content.”

Funny – I thought that’s what talented editors did – exert control over fakery and intellectual sewage. I am not sure that the average MP, who has difficulty enough separating coccyx from humerus in matters rural or hunting, clearly understands this change to their “indispensable information source” that now apparently includes “anything that any old accused racketeer has bribed us to print”.

It would appear that, at Politics Home, concepts of truth and fairness have also gone into the modern blender and become as fluid as they are in the cultural compost of the manky Mirror and Mail Online, who, like Gonçalves and all the other parasites, are busy building circulation on the bodies of poor rural Africans and their precious wildlife.

It would appear, Country Squires, that while you have been busy attending to the maintenance and food supply of this particularly green and pleasant land of ours over the past few years, behind your backs, the Conservative political landscape has emigrated unnoticed and taken its foundations, common sense and truth, with it.

So, please email or speak to your MPs and ask them to show a little backbone and honesty by opposing the Second reading of Henry Smith’s damaging, deceptive and dishonest Bill on the 25th. 

It’s time to speak up. The zombie apocalypse of the brain dead is upon us. 

John Nash grew up in West Cornwall and was a £10 pom to Johannesburg in the early 1960’s. He started well in construction project management, mainly high-rise buildings but it wasn’t really Africa, so he went bush, prospecting and trading around the murkier bits of the bottom half of the continent. Now retired back in Cornwall among all the other evil old pirates. His interests are still sustainable resources, wildlife management and the utilitarian needs of rural Africa.