Social justice progressives are like a sack of rocks tied round your waist when you’re trying to run a marathon. It’s not that they’re bad people, they’re just so far behind what’s really going on. They’re sitting at the back of the class, wiping gunk from their eyes and babbling nonsensically, while the rest of the school sighs heavily and waits for them to calm down and catch up.

The biggest hindrance to progress we have right now is progressives.

Look at the whole sad debacle around Antifa, Communism, punching Nazis, and all the rest of it. The first thing to say is that this is a wholly infantile topic. That the level of debate should have been reduced to Nazis vs Communists is miserable, but there you have it. Progressives drag us all down.

The social justice line goes something like this:

Nazis are really bad. It’s our civic duty to do everything in our capability to stop Nazis—just like the Allied forces in World War 2, or Indiana Jones in Indiana Jones—and all other moral considerations can be set aside for this purpose. Suspected Nazis can be assaulted at will. Can they be put in a coma, or murdered? That hasn’t been clarified. Related to this, the totalitarian thugs known as Antifa are actually heroic, and should be supported unquestioningly in their battle against fascists, even though they behave like fascists.

But Antifa are the good fascists, because their name means anti-fascist, reminiscent of how the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea is a bastion of fair governance.

Antifa is the black clad, masked up, sucker punching, ten-on-one, car burning, window smashing, free speech hating, flag immolating, veteran abusing, piss throwing, brain dead, shit head, Guardian eulogised, progressive terrorist militia wing. But if you point out they’re an anti-democratic mob that beats people in the street then you’re also fair game for attack: verbal, digital, who knows, maybe even some Mace in your eyes and a pole to the skull.

Progressives though, in their state of worked up excitement, frantically blathering on about the far right, don’t quite understanding something of considerable importance: we all know Nazis are bad.

Everyone on the entire majestic planet is utterly cognizant of that fact. Even Nazis know Nazis are bad.

So activists, Antifa, those at the back carving hammers and sickles into the desk, you really, genuinely don’t need to keep going on about the Third Reich.

And this is where it becomes so apparent how far behind the curve progressives are. The credible threats our society faces don’t actually come from fascists at all. This isn’t to say we should be complacent about the far-right. Rather, it’s to be aware that we’re inherently defensive against such a threat—it’s part of our societal DNA. Essentially, we’re set up to see off fascism without a second thought, and everyone—left, right, and centre—is culturally configured to despise Nazism, completely and without caveat.

By contrast, we are not at all prepared for the new threats which are of the most pressing danger to our way of life. That means Islamism, and the postmodernism-soaked, Sharia-sympathetic, regressive and neo-Marxist militant left. We’ve not been wired to hear alarm bells when a mutant strain of theocratic authoritarianism begins to solidify on the left. But many people can identify it nonetheless. Counter-intuitively, it falls to the conservative right to conserve the very liberties that the progressive left once fought for, while suffering a barrage of abuse from that very same formerly progressive left.

Meanwhile, those who call themselves progressive, but who are now nothing of the sort, are so slow and ambling that they can’t recognise where the contemporary threat comes from at all, or that in fact—through their own misplaced activism and obstructive tactics—they may even have become a part of it.

Staggering, dragging knuckles, they weaponize their own ignorance and use it as a rhetorical club, battering their opponents about the head in a state of triple insulated vacuity. They are twitchily fearful of free expression, and strangle attempts to criticize the liberal agenda, particularly if the subject of debate relates to Islam, which they fetishize perversely. They operate enveloped in the deluded belief that in a black and white fantasy world of their own creation they’re playing the good guys. The politically obedient, utopia hatching, wrongthink purging anti-fascists.

Intolerable, incessant, they lecture us interminably on things we already know (“really, you don’t like Nazis? What a principled stance”), they obstruct en masse the means of both preservation and progress, and they inflame the culture wars.

Except, increasingly, this culture war doesn’t resemble a war at all. It seems more like a library full of normal people reading up and making plans, into which bursts a gnashing swarm of absurd, histrionic goons, intent on setting fire to all the books.