Priapic Boris Under Fire

BY ALEXIA JAMES

And so it begins…

The personal attacks on Boris Johnson via the usual enemies (Guardian, New Statesman, Mirror, Remain etc) have begun in earnest. A late-night row with his girlfriend recorded through a wall by an individual with the Guardian on speed-dial, who called the police because of the noise Boris and his girlfriend Carrie Symonds were making, is the first attempt to sway the minds of Tory association members.

The story seems suspect. Should we be bothered by a couple’s row after some red wine at a time of intense pressure in their lives?

There will be a hit-list somewhere. Tory association members are considered aged and will be judged to be staid, so relationship behaviour will be on that list of potential hit-jobs. As will drugs. As will Darius Guppy. As will continual repetition of the Max Hastings take-down. Old Etonians can expect yet another call over coming days to find out whether any handsome fags existed. The Balliol crowd will be quizzed to see if a pig’s head was ever witnessed. No doubt Boris’ conquests from the past – and plenty of fakes – will be coming forward for cash, describing for the red tops what he was like in bed.

Should we care that Boris Johnson is priapic?

No.

According to Dick Lloyd George, his father around an attractive woman was like “a Bengal tiger with a gazelle”, and only a few months after David Lloyd George’s first marriage, he had met and impregnated one Mrs J, whose silence was secured by a lifetime’s annuity. Lloyd George the Prime Minister was known by the music-hall song “Lloyd George knew my father but he is more likely to have known your mother, your wife, your daughter, your friend’s wife or your daughter’s friend.” Lloyd George – by most people’s thinking – was a competent Prime Minister. Lloyd George’s record of selling honours to boost party funds, which led to the introduction of the 1925 Honours (Prevention of Abuses) Act, may put some people off him, as might some of his orders during the First World War. Still – in spite of all that – Lloyd George is considered one of the greatest social reformers and war leaders of the 20th century.

It is claimed that Sir Winston Churchill had a secret affair with a socialite that had the potential to wreck his career and damage his country at its hour of greatest need. Churchill’s former private secretary, Sir John “Jock” Colville, gave a frank interview to archivists at Churchill College in Cambridge in 1985. He said, “now this is a somewhat scandalous story and therefore not to be handed out for a great many years … Winston Churchill was … not a highly sexed man at all, and I don’t think that in his 60 or 55 years’ married life he ever slipped up, except on this one occasion when Lady Churchill was not with him and by moonlight in the south of France … he certainly had an affair, a brief affair with … Castlerosse as I think she was called … Doris Castlerosse, yes, that’s right.”

Sir John Major’s secret 4 year affair with Edwina Currie should be enough to silence most of the character-assassin Remain crowd who fear Boris Johnson might actually get us out of Europe, whereas Hunt is continuity Remain in their eyes. Nonetheless, they are out in force already claiming that Boris is unfit to occupy Number 10 yet they happily include philanderers and (some would say) war criminals amongst their number.

How many of those clamouring this morning for Boris’ head have never spilt wine on a sofa? How many of them have never had a loud argument with their partner? Now ask this question – how many of them have had a neighbour record them through the wall and call the Guardian and the police?

Move on. Nothing to see here.

Boris will always be priapic Boris. In my book that is better than being dull Remainer Jeremy – the opposite of what this great country needs right now as we grapple with Brexit and seek to rip away from our machinery of government the Remoan diehards who are holding us back and causing us real damage as a nation. At times of need we seem to have philanderers as Prime Minister and that blend of danger and gumption has always resulted in a positive outcome.

Boris should move in with Sir Lynton for the next five weeks. Keeping quiet is important for Boris – do so, and Boris will win.

 

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