2024

BY MYSTIC PEG

I had a vision last night. I have not had such a clear vision about British politics since my dream about the shell-suited devil. Often my visions come to me in metaphors or riddles but last night’s vision was different in that it came to me in tweets from 2024. Such specificity is rare. I awoke from my vision happy that Britain’s future is secure and that the communist orcs are nowhere near power. Prime Minister Boris is still – thank God – at the helm of a booming Britain. The enemies of Brexit are scattered hither and thither. This vision of tweets was indeed a happy prescience to behold. I take great pleasure in sharing it with you now:

So what happened to the enemies of Brexit you may well ask?

Well, as Britain boomed and the EU crumbled, Camp Remoan descended into infighting and the hashtag #FBPE in a job candidate’s tweet history became a red flag for sensible recruiters. After Britain’s massive trade deal with the USA and a sudden penchant for electric Cadillacs amongst the British public, German Chancellor Annegret Kramp-Karrenbauer was forced to push through a free trade deal for the Brits following a euro crisis which saw the 27 drop to 23 and the preparation of EU referenda in Italy and Austria threaten the very future of the EU.

Some of the arch Remoaners simply denied any involvement in ever resisting the will of the British People and claimed to be Brexiteers all along.

AC GRAYLING

Others blamed their involvement with the losing remain side on their bosses.

Femi

Even “satire” was given as an excuse by one.

OTTO

While some of the Remoan campaigners were decent enough (perhaps used enough) to offer the British public an apology.

cadwalladr

Indeed, there were only very few Remainers who fought on like Japanese soldiers in the jungle long after the war had ended.

ADONIS

Most simply crumpled under the pressure of what to them was a sickening loss. And sadly the cracks started to show in the stances of many of their former leaders.

Campbell

Of course there were those from Camp Remoan who resorted to insults.

Terry Christian

And others who were forced to succumb to new lows as the Brexit revolution dismantled old safe havens for Remainer windbags.

Lineker

And against this backcloth, great happiness and unity returned to Britain. The People had been right (as usual)… at least by a few percent.

As Boris Johnson enjoyed his majority of 144 from the 2022 General Election, with the shell-suited devil dispatched to his allotment and Diane Abbott helping keep alive his mould-threatened courgette, Britain sighed a collective sigh of relief. And Boris, after many years of strife and quelling the Remoaner threat, sat back in his Chesterfield and enjoyed a cigar.

boris

Roll on, 2024.