BY OUR ELECTION CORRESPONDENTS WAYNE COUNTY AND ELIZABETH WARREN HASTINGS
Without producing any evidence, President Donald Churchill today claimed that the 1940 election was not yet over, and has made an unsubstantiated assertion that despite the media and many world leaders having called the result in favour of his opponent, he still expects to achieve victory.
Commentators have decried Mr Churchill’s use of inflammatory speeches, which have contained threats to “fight them on the beaches” and in various other locations, without any apparent regard for social distancing measures.
“C’mon, Manfred von Richtofen…”
Churchill supporters wearing distinctive tin-helmets bearing the slogan “Make America Great Britain Again” have reportedly been stock-piling offensive weapons, and aggressive groups of military-age males – some armed with unlicensed rifles and even small aircraft carrying as many as eight machine-guns – are reported to be congregating in towns along the South Coast, leading to fears of violent clashes over the English Channel.
“Build Bach Better”
His opponent, Mr Adolf Biden – a top motivational-speaker and author of best-sellers “Mein Trumpf” and “The Art Of The Steal”, who served as Vice-President in the previous Hindenberg administration – has also condemned the Premier’s irresponsible use of divisive language.
“British Union of Frackists”
Hair Biden has reiterated his commitment to free movement, an end to European borders, annexing the Pennsylvanian oil-fields, and achieving peace in our time through the imposition of social and political unity under a “New World Order”, adding on a conciliatory note, that he “fully expects to be in London by Christmas”.
“My enemy’s enemy is Miss Kayleigh McEnamy”
So far however, Sir Winston Trump has obstinately refused all requests to allow the German “transition team” into Whitehall, and has issued a statement via his Whitehall Press Secretary – glamorous blonde Miss Mara Largo – indicating that he intends to mount a determined challenge in the key “battleground states” of England, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland.
“Wit ,” “raconteur”, ”comic genius”, and “renaissance man” are just some of the things that nobody has ever said about Philip Copson, who after a career spent selling industrial paint, now finds himself largely insolvent. “I never take anything entirely seriously – except humour,” he claims. Would-be comic author and occasional contributor to the Inland Revenue, Mr Copson is retired and lives with his mother in Tooting. In response to overwhelming public demand, his debut novel “Kiss Me On A Monday” remains out of print.