Imagining a Trump Win from Here

BY JAMES BEMBRIDGE

It seems to be a feature of British conservatism that its acolytes tend to spend more time convincing people they don’t belong to it than they ever do trying to convert them to it. Many of them will give the impression that they aren’t truly committed to conservative aims sooner than they would defend them.

Trump was a blessing to these cock-crowing Peters; their performative disgust at him was often enough to assure those in the media that they aren’t that right wing and were suitably sanitised to appear alongside the likes of Polly Toynbee or one of one of Corbyn’s Commie kids (Jones, Sarkar & co). Unsurprisingly, Conservative journalists now clamber to out-perform one another in their reporting, or calling, rather, of the US election. Apparently, it’s not enough for them to reverently refer to Biden as president-elect, they must also shoot down, with almost pathological zeal, anyone who dares say otherwise. Anyone who calls for patience on this matter and to let the court proceedings take place is now held in the same august company as Carole Cadwalladr. So when did caution become crankery?

Maybe it is not a testament to the strength of President Trump’s case that his ex-lawyer Sydney Powell has become the first person he is known to have socially distanced from – and a fair more distant than two metres at that. Still, why bang on about it, journos? Do you really know what is going on in the Oval office when you’ve been wrong on most things since 2016? This kind of studied insouciance they give off – as if they are infinitely sensible beings batting off obnoxious siblings – would be somewhat more convincing were it not for the fact that most of their Twitter timelines read like the frenzied letters of a jilted lover – they are obsessed with Trump! Trump this, Trump that. They are beginning to sound like the unhinged trolls who have spent the last four years manically tweeting about Trump fifty times daily, calling him a narcissist and, lacking any self-awareness, referring to his actions as projection – only taking a break to celebrate when they get more than 10 retweets, to cut up another poor cat or when their alarm rings as a Clozapine reminder.

Now, let’s imagine their impossible shall we? Let’s dream for just one minute. What if (gasp) Trump did overturn the election? Did that stir a surge of adrenaline in you? Can you imagine the shocking meltdown on the Left? What would the reaction be when Mark Malloch Brown and Joe Biden are led away in cuffs because Trump predicted the steal and had put down plenty of traps beforehand?

Forget popcorn. You’d need an interminable gobstopper to last that shitshow.

Such a scenario would mean almost certain violence whereas the other would not. Let that sink in against the background of “an increase in far right terrorism”. Even if a large section of Trump voters suspected Biden had won the election by illegitimate means, we would not expect windows to be smashed, shops to be looted or innocent bystanders to be maimed. The much-referenced proud boys would hardly go around burning democrats. The shopkeepers do, however, expect such behaviour from the BLM protestors and they will once again barricade their doors accordingly. 

So many British conservatives now openly admit to supporting Biden that it is backing Trump which actually feels like the admission of guilt in such circles. How did so many come to love a geriatric, child-sniffing apologist for far-left violence? Sure, they may not like Trump’s style, or lack thereof, but they must recognise that his unapologetic crudeness was necessary to smash the years of stifling PC culture and pathetic wokery.

What can one infer from the amount of Biden supporters in the Conservative Party? Probably that there are very few conservatives left in Britain, and that if the US Election were a referendum on Trump, then most British elections are nothing more than referenda to decide which strength brew of Marxism we Brits are in for.

For true conservatives a Trump second victory from this impossible position would be an absolute joy to behold. Nonetheless, watching fellow conservatives eat humble pie would be embarrassing and shameful.

James Bembridge is Deputy Editor of Country Squire Magazine.