BY PAUL T HORGAN
SW1, Friday February 6, 2026: Politician “Shocked” That He Has Been Lied To
There was outrage in Westminster, when a leading politician admitted he was “shocked” that he had been lied to by another, but less leading, politician who had once been a quite leading politician before having been forced to quit over questions of honesty a few times.
That politicians lie is a well-known constant, treated almost like a law of physics—comparable to the fixed speed of light in a vacuum.
“My father was a toolmaker”, said the leading politician (the one who had not been forced to quit over questions of honesty a couple of times). “And he told me of the satisfaction he enjoyed when working with a set of tools he worked hard to complete, and in his memory, I like to believe that I also work with complete tools who give me satisfaction.”
“Having a good tool in your hands can be a satisfying experience, and I like handling well-made tools as a pastime. But enough about me. I am shocked, shocked to my core that I was lied to by a man who had been previously a leading politician, and to whom I called on to be so again but in a specific capacity, rather like a well-turned tool. But he turned out to be a bad tool, a very bad tool indeed.”
“You have to understand that it is well-known that politicians, even leading ones, never lie to each other, and of course never, ever lie to the public. It is therefore quite unprecedented in my experience, and I am sure in the experience of the public, that a politician, a former leading politician before having been forced to quit over questions of honesty a couple of times, actually lied. It is totally incomprehensible. It’s like breaking an immutable law of physics.”
“Of course, the fact that this former leading politician has had to quit a couple of times due to questions of personal honesty did not suggest to me for a moment that he was unfit to be given an important job, because these resignations over questions of honesty all took place in a completely different decade, and so they didn’t count. In addition, he did go on to work as an EU Commissioner in Brussels, and we all know full well that European politics are a gold standard in terms of honesty, and probity. That’s why most European politicians take a vow of poverty and live by it, despite being forced by their officials to reluctantly be driven everywhere in Mercedes-Benzes, and to be required to travel First Class on airliners, or, even worse, in private jets.”
“The fact that a former German Chancellor and numerous former French Presidents have been successfully convicted on charges of fraud and corruption are evidence that European political systems are deft at catching transgressors, rather than indicating that European politics is corrupt from top-to-bottom and that this former leading politician who had been forced to quit over questions of honesty a couple of times would therefore have felt quite at home and been in very good company, which would actually be quite bad company.”
“I am quite sure of that as I have met with and enjoyed the very good company and extensive hospitality of numerous European politicians and businessmen, and I have never once detected any indication of corruption in them whosoever, even when I have received numerous gifts. I like to believe that if there was any evidence of that kind of behaviour, I would detect it immediately. I believe I can sense these things, a bit like Spiderman, but different. I can’t walk up buildings or spurt out sticky fluids. Well, I can spurt out sticky fluids, but not like that. What I can spurt out is not important right now.”
The leading politician was asked about how he had abandoned all of his pledges made when he was standing for Labour Leader. The leading politician stated “Technically, the year 2020 is actually part of the 2010s, as Jesus Christ was born in 1AD, and that is when I launched my leadership campaign – in the 2010s, not 1AD – so the ‘different decade rule’, as previously mentioned, applied. It also has to be remembered that these pledges were needed so I could get the votes of Labour Party members, but that in a General Election I would have to get votes from the entirety of the British electorate, and since I lead a party that seeks election, I had to place a higher value on the British electorate than on Labour Party members.”
“Once I no longer needed the votes of Labour Party members to become a leading politician, I no longer needed to keep these pledges. I am being very honest here, and Labour Party members should have been aware that I would honestly break all of these pledges when I honestly needed to. It was not a lie to do so, because I do not lie, because, as a leading politician, I am honest. These were honest pledges made when I honestly needed to make them to get elected as Labour Party leader and in all honesty I could not keep them if I wanted to win a General Election, let’s be honest about that.”
“Me honestly breaking these honestly-made pledges was not lying like this former leading politician, who had been forced to quit over questions of honesty a couple of times, lied to me, because, as we have discussed earlier, politicians never lie. All politicians are always honest all of the time, apart from this former leading politician, who is a liar. His pants would be on fire, if he actually wore any, but as we have seen in numerous pictures, he does not, perhaps because all his pants have been burnt from his lying. That’s what pants do when you are lying. As you can see, I am wearing pants, and they are not burning, just smouldering a little, which does not count. It’s like the ‘different decade rule'”
The leading politician was then asked about what the former leading politician, who had been forced to quit over questions of honesty a couple of times, had said when he was asked about his unsavoury associations with a deceased disgusting person of wealth (and we have been asked by numerous persons of wealth to point out that not all of them are disgusting, or as disgusting as the deceased disgusting person of wealth was. In fact the distribution of non-deceased disgusting persons of wealth amongst persons of wealth is actually lower than the distribution of disgusting persons of non-wealth amongst the non-wealthy, because statistics.)
The leading politician said that the former leading politician, who had been forced to quit over questions of honesty a couple of times, had answered in his traditional Hampstead Garden Suburb accent, “Naaah, naaah, no, oi ‘ardly knew ‘im, nudge-nudge, wink-wink, knaa wot oi mean, guv?” and that this was all that was normally needed as part of the vetting process for former leading politicians, even ones who had been forced to quit over questions of honesty a couple of times.
The leading politician said with deep-felt and sincere sorrow. “We took this former leading politician, who had been forced to quit on a couple of times over questions of honesty, at his word. We understood his “nudge-nudge, wink-wink” to be a sacred oath of honesty in his culture. Unfortunately, we now know different. Now I am off to look for a fire extinguisher. Pay no attention to the smell of burning trouser-cloth. I carry this with me wherever I go. I used to be DPP. My father was a toolmaker.”
Thora Hird would be 114 years old, but is not, because she died in 2003. Her daughter is Janette Scott.
Paul T Horgan worked in the IT Sector. He lives in Berkshire.