The Yellow Party

BY JOHN ISMAEL

It never fails to amaze me just how amateur British Politics can be. On the one hand the Liberal Democrat Leader Tim Farron is saying that this General Election is their great opportunity to become the party of opposition while Labour is going in a Corbyn-induced tailspin. On the other hand, you see the likes of this:

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Clegg was Deputy Prime Minister of the whole country until 2015! Now he’s on Twitter saying that the snap election has thrown him and his party into chaos and he doesn’t have enough cash for election posters or rosettes? He’s about as credible as his past promises on tuition fees.

Meanwhile his leader Tim Farron seems unable to shake off the gay sex questions during public appearances and he’s still haunted by that pesky fish finger. One would have thought that those in his party would have prepared him before the snap election with a one-off and solid riposte to the inevitability of gay sex questioning. It’s not as if there aren’t colleagues he could ask about the subject matter. Mark Oaten perhaps?

Then we hear that Jurassic Park is back in favour. Sir Vince Cable has re-emerged from extinction in Twickenham to fight the seat he lost there two years ago.  Once the star of credit-crunch discussions and the go-to guy for a perceptive economics quote for broadsheets, now he looks so old he makes the old lad on Off Their Rockers (a show where elderly delinquents determined to grow old disgracefully go around pestering members of the public) look like his carer. This is the same Vince Cable who as Business Secretary was an outspoken critic of tax avoidance and then got busted failing to pay his tax bill.

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Bloke from Off Their Rockers, ITV

Also back to fight the election is another Lib Dem Sir.  Sir Simon Henry Ward Hughes, who will be fighting for his old seat Bermondsey and Old Southwark. Labour’s Neil Coyle took the seat off him in 2015 and this will be a fascinating battle to watch. That proscribed terrorist entity the Tamil Tigers will no doubt have both candidates up before a selection committee with a live video link to Killinochchi in Sri Lanka. One dreads to think what promises the candidates will have to make to prize the valuable block vote from the Tamil LTTE leadership. The Tamils will be keen to have representation in the UK Parliament, especially now that Keith Vaz will have his seat come under pressure from Romanians his Leicester electorate.

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What a rabble!

The Lib Dems have about as much chance of becoming the Her Majesty’s next Opposition as Baron Rennard has of sitting on the House of Lords’ Women & Equalities Committee.

If they do, I’ll pull my pantsdown and offer to eat my hat.

Vote Conservative.

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