BY BEN PENSANT
Just because Corbyn’s spent his whole career opposed to the EU doesn’t mean he wants us to leave the EU. And just because Labour’s manifesto stated they would support a hard Brexit doesn’t mean they’re going to support a hard Brexit.
Do I need to draw a diagram?
Corbynites who voted for Jezza know this, so why are Blairites in such a tizz?
All over social media and even – gulp – the real world, Labour voters are shocked and appalled that an anti-EU politician wants to leave the EU, forgetting that we’re talking about someone whose cunning, intelligence and knowledge of man-hole covers is almost supernatural. If you didn’t know better, you’d think half the people who voted him in knew nothing about him.
I mean, Corbyn’s a socialist for God’s sake – of course he hates democracy! And as an upper-middle-class liberal opposed to poor kids going to good schools who thinks ethnic minorities need rich white men to ‘unlock their talent’ it stands to reason he loathes The People.
It speaks volumes that Labour’s dying breed of moderates can’t grasp what thousands at Glastonbury picked up with ease. How could a man of principle not want to remain in the EU? That he’s spent his whole career against the EU is unimportant, especially as so many of the people who voted for him seemingly don’t know he’s spent his whole career against the EU.
Those Remainers crying into their blue flags because they were duped by the nice old man who forgot to tell them he wanted to leave the EU – despite spending decades telling everyone he wanted to leave the EU – still voted for him. And despite all the Murdoch lies, smears and demonstrable facts, it’s refreshing to know Labour MPs and supporters can put up with someone supporting Islamists, anti-Semites and dictators but respecting a democratic result is a bridge too far.
Which it would be if that were what he was doing.
But anyone with half a brain can see Jezza mistrusts the working-class as much as any leftist and wouldn’t dream of allowing them a say in their country’s future. Hence why he’s been cultivating the persona of a Marxist grumpy-pants who doesn’t like the EU for 40 years, patiently waiting to pull off his sting, like a saintly version of Chuck Lewis out of Bullions.
I mean, come on. You think all those youngsters singing ‘Oh Jeremy Corbyn’ at Glastonbury would support someone who agrees with the thick racists who voted Leave? Behave. They’re Europeans for Christ’s sake: they have morals and everything. Look at the evidence:
These are people apparently oblivious to the hypocrisy of a wealthy politician telling the crowd at a £238-per-ticket festival how ghastly capitalism has been for them.
People who see no contradiction whatsoever in an audience full of pro-EU music fans cheering an anti-EU politician who supports regimes that ban music.
People who don’t realise festivals would be few and far between in Corbyn’s Marxist paradise as potential headliners like Barry Sheeran would run a mile upon finding out they’re on the same money as the bloke who empties the portaloos.
People who are yet to enter the world of work, blissfully unaware that in a socialist society everyone has to work. And not for anything as bourgeois as houses or holidays. No, minimum wage plus the pride of knowing you’ve served the state are reward enough.
In short, people who not only think the best way to fight capitalism and austerity is to re-join a European bureaucracy dedicated to capitalism and austerity, but also believe socialism simply involves holding hands and helping each other out. Which indeed it does, just as long as you don’t mind the government telling you who you can hold hands with and the people you help out aren’t homosexuals, sorcerers or Jews.
Sadly, much as we admire the left-wing utopias that purified and impoverished millions, the dumb British proles still aren’t ready for true socialism. Which is why Jezza is applying the slowly-slowly method: he can’t put the means of production in the hands of the people immediately but he can regulate the shit out of it, raise a tax there and requisition the odd house there. Not that Corbyn and co. will be giving up their wealth or homes. Principled left-wingers like Lady Nugee aren’t ready to lose their property portfolios in the name of ideology just yet.
But if there’s one institution who know all about regulating the shit out of stuff it’s the EU. How could Corbyn not be a fan? That people are apoplectic because he sacked four MPs shows how little they understand the diverse, youthful grass-roots movement driven by a rich white man pushing 70. A movement reflected in the adoring crowds at Glastonbury and Jezza’s recent appearance on the cover of Kerrang! a far cry from the dark days of the ’80s and ’90s when a metal mag wouldn’t be seen dead sucking up to a politician no matter how nice his allotment was.
Thank Allah those dark days have gone, with both press and fans now singing from the same conformist hymn-sheet. The glorious sight of an anti-EU Prime Minister being lionised by pro-EU Guardian readers is tantalisingly close. And when he eventually double-crosses the Tories and slots us back into the European Union where we belong there won’t be a farmer’s field big enough for the homecoming party.
Ohhhh, Jeremy Corbyn!