A Progressive Panacea


Do you have an alcoholic friend? Perhaps you’re aware of a workmate who’s thrown it all away at the bookies. Maybe you know someone who sharpens up even the dullest of January mornings with a cleanly cut white line.

Are you familiar with these destructive behaviours, and the ways in which they can gradually creep up on a person, entombing him slowly, shot by furlong by gram, until he’s encased and rotting, where once he exercised liberty and growth?

As Axl Rose intoned cautionarily when articulating the folly of dancing with Mr Brownstone,

“now I get up around whenever, I used to get up on time”

From west coast sleaze rockers to Brussels obsessed philosophy professors, going off the rails can play havoc with your early bird zumba classes.

It’s time for those of us who still maintain a hold on our marbles to make an intervention on the entire progressive left, which, sadly, has lost the plot. The left, of course, has always been a little bit odd. The kind of political faction that might forget when Christmas Day is, or turn up to a funeral wearing hiking boots. But they weren’t quite as twitchy and threatening as they are now. Where once a game of darts with the left would’ve been unpredictable because they might have added up the scores wrong, nowadays they’d be more likely to declare that numbers are an oppressive tool of the Cis-Hetero Zionist Alt-Right Infowars Patriarchal Evil Empire and stab you in the throat with a dart.

So here’s what you can do, prog-lefties, to straighten out and rejoin the adults’ table:


Step away from the Koran

We know, you like minorities. Obsess over them. To you, there’s nothing more adorable than a tyrannised brown person, whom you can lock in the cellar and feed with Jelly Babies until they love you as much as you love them. But wanting to protect minority rights doesn’t mean you also have to reverently embrace all aspects and manifestations of Islam, which—evidenced in its worst formations—is one of the most brutally illiberal, illogical, and inhumane belief systems in the world. An ideology hostile in particular to women, gay people, and Jews. A religion which keeps murdering people and blowing shit up.

And even in its more benign interpretations, Islam is a bit ridiculous. There are men in dresses. Extreme beards. Stone age moral pronouncements. So be brave, lefties, have a bit of a giggle, and get a load of this: you can take the piss if you want, just like you would with any other mad cult.

And one more point, while we’re at it on minority rights. There’s something you might have missed, something pretty fundamental to the discussion…

Minorities have all the same rights and legal protections as non-minorities.


Stop being racist

Actually, that last line, that minorities have the same legal protections as non-minorities, isn’t true. Minorities have better legal protections than non-minorities. Thanks to the batshit faction of the prog-left, white people can be excluded from applying for jobs. There’s simply no conceivable way that you could exclude any other ethnic group in this way (and neither would we want to), and yet you can openly tell white people that they’re not welcome and won’t be considered. This kind of explicit racial discrimination is really happening, and it’s being defended or even promoted by people on the left, as if it were the most normal thing in the world. Simultaneously, there’s a relentless stream of anti-white articles being pumped out by leftist media, with titles such as 37 Things White People Need To Stop Ruining In 2018.

Most people are fair-minded, and fair-minded people baulk at racism. So when we see elements of the left engaging in this kind of outright racial discrimination the feeling is no different to when encountering any other kind of injustice. Although racists of the past tended not to spend quite so much time calling everyone else racist.


You’re control freaks

The education industry appears to have been warped into a sealed left-wing bubble so I don’t know if it’s still the case, but as children we used to learn something important: not everyone agrees about everything, and it’s ok for people to express differing positions.

Yes, it’s tough for you I’m sure, but not everyone is thinking exactly what you’re thinking. Not everyone shares your worldview. And, brace yourself, not everyone will say and do exactly what you want, all the time.

If someone has an opinion which strays from yours, maybe it’s because the answer isn’t clear cut. Or maybe it’s just that they’re right and you’re wrong. Or if you’re quite certain you’re correct, then try this: use reason and evidence to explain your case.

Here’s what not to do: bang pots and pans, start crying, shout furiously, call someone racist, hurl insults, burn a Daily Mail, embrace censorship, rail against John Stewart Mill, demand sackings.

You didn’t used to be this way, leftists. Remember when you were irreverent and fun? Remember when you broke the rules instead of enforcing them? You used to flick the Vs at moralists and matrons, but now you’re the prudes in pearls insisting we correct our politics or be ashamed of ourselves.

We’re not joining in though. We won’t humour your delusion or stick to your script, made loathsome as it is by characterless new terminology, purged ideas, and historical revisions. You’re not manifestations of virtue shaped into human form, and you’re not going to hold us back with your pettiness and chiding. The world is changing, and it’s tilting away from you.

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