Bring on Team Brexit

BY JOHN ISMAEL

The Tories’ internal confidence vote on Theresa May now seems inevitable. It’s obvious to everyone, apart from the Prime Minister perhaps, that her days are numbered. As Nadine Dorries pointed out yesterday afternoon, “the Prime Minister is in a bunker, she’s starring in her own episode of Downfall, and we all know how that story ends.”

Frankly, most of the UK populus are fed up to the back teeth with May and cannot stand the sight of Steptoe Corbyn. It’s time for a team to give Brexit a chance. And who better than those MPs who have stood for it, so bravely, all along?

There is still a sequence of events that could deliver the Brexit Dream Team and put the UK back on the map:

  • A Tory Leadership Election is called. 
  • May resigns and becomes a permanent hill-walker. 
  • The Brexiteers drop their egos and unite behind one candidate (the only one who can win a General Election is Boris). 
  • The Leadership Election whittles down to 2 candidates who party members choose the victor from.
  • Boris inevitably wins. 

With Boris as PM, Jacob Rees Mogg becomes Chancellor. Remainer Javid stays at the Home Office and Michael Gove stays at DEFRA. Steve Baker gets the party Chairman role, Hunt keeps the foreign office and McVey gets her job back overseeing Universal Credit at the expense of Amber Rudd, who Boris recommends finds another career along with Greening, Soubry, Grieve and Morgan. Raab, Davis and other Brexiteers also get a key role alongside a Brexiteer-dominated cabinet.

We then, happily, prepare for a no deal as the weeks become days and we leave the EU in late March next year. Behind the scenes the sound bits of May’s withdrawal agreement are agreed, so we end up with something of a negotiated no deal, leaving the UK free to strike trade deals and escape the EU’s clutches. Most of the 39 billion euros remain, so we use that and deals with the Donald and Aramco to smooth down the rough edges of parting.

Immediately resource is put into uncovering the truth about the national deception being perpetrated by Corbyn, McDonnell and the other traitors sitting on the Opposition benches. Their sinister plot – in association with the worst enemies of our country – gets aired to the public in a way they cannot doubt the reality. Labour gets annihilated – socialists, who were always foreign to this great land, get driven into the sea. A General Election is stormed by Boris in 2022 and a pragmatic, sane opposition forms in the next five years (even assisted by the Government) during which the Brexiteers slash corporation tax (sorry Dublin!) and the UK opens its arms to capital flows which bring about a mega-boom in the UK economy, as we rocket past our European neighbours. Damn, even Boris Island gets built.

Should I be pinching myself?

The prize awaits. Really.

Brexiteers, do not despair – it is time to clinch our moment after our great win in 2019 before another Remainer coup attempts to seize it.

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