CSM EDITORIAL
More than 650 new words, senses, and sub-entries have been added to the Oxford English Dictionary in its latest update, including puggle, Latin@, and peoplekind. One of the new entries is the verb to “remoan” (although Remoaner has not as yet been included due to ongoing doubts over number authenticity).
The definition of to REMOAN is as follows:
VERB
[NO OBJECT]
1 Continue to moan, especially after other similar people or things have ceased to do so.
‘Femi remoans because without constant remoaning no-one would know who the hell he was’
1.1 Stay in the place that one has been occupying despite it having been voted away.
‘Theresa was unwise to ally with those who continued to remoan 3 years after the referendum as a spike was being readied for her bonse outside the Palace of Westminster’
1.2 with complement continue to possess a particular quality or fulfil a particular role for purposes of obfuscation.
‘’Alastair decided the best way to avoid being done for war crimes was to remoan as loudly as possible by launching a series of hissy fits, trying to prove that popular will was irrelevant anyway’
2 Be left over after others have sensibly moved on, been used, or hidden.
“Lord Adonis remoaned wherever and whenever he could because the alternative of getting a job out in the real world was so frightening that even the thought of it gave him bladder incontinence”
A Country Squire Magazine approach to the New European for comment on the dictionary entry was met by, “f@*k off you old gammons”. A spokesperson for the Tony Blair Institute for Global Change demanded a hefty upfront fee in a brown envelope before providing any comment – so the Squires gave them a wide berth. An approach to Steve Bray – the activist from Port Talbot, who makes daily protests against Brexit in College Green, Westminster – was turned down by the benefits investigator from the DWP who answered his mobile phone. Likewise an approach for comment from Madeleina Kay aka #EUSupergirl failed when it was turned down by a lady claiming to be her sister, Ratched. Finding other Remoaners for comment was tricky – nude Remoaner Dr Victoria Bateman sprung to mind but the Squires have been avoiding anything to do with badgers since Brian May’s solicitor’s letter. And Remoaner Dr Sarah Wollaston – the MP for Totnes – was declared off limits by CSM’s Devonian Jamie Foster who once attended her medical surgery “on a very cold day” with a swollen nutsack.
Eventually a DM came back from Remoaner Twitter celebrity Andrew Scott aka Otto English. “Really?” replied Scott, “are you sure this isn’t an April Fools?”