Get Out of Our Way

BY NIGEL RAFFERTY

Continuity Remain and the unrepresentative parliament has reached new heights of annoyance. Their ridiculous attempts to delay Brexit make even puny, little countries look from abroad at us and giggle. The idiots dressed in blue and yellow singing pathetic ditties in the streets can’t even sing in tune. Pro-Europe commentators are shabby dimwits or war criminals. The tiresome bias of newscasters grinds. The whining two-facedness of Labour’s benches of traitors with their masturbatory fantasies of offering Britain up to the bloodthirsty dogma of that failure amongst failures, Marx. Enough.

Just get out of the way, you embarrassing muppets. There’s an independent country to be run and the time when the likes of you stood any chance of running it are long gone.

Forget fracking, Tony Benn’s grave spins must be earthquake-causing by now – his son Hilary is the kind of son you dread being inflicted with. Yvette Cooper doesn’t give a damn for her constituents who voted to leave the EU and that androgynous plate-face acting as if she cares is enough to make one spew. Philip Hammond is taking advice from the EU’s lawyers? Kick him out of the Tory Party now, shred his membership card and send him to the tower.

The British People are sovereign. Not these morons. Get them out of here. Tell them to sling their hook. Lure them to go infest some country you’d not even send your mother in law to – go join Maduro in Venezuela or Khan in Pakistan or Lukashenko in Belarus, where they might find a use for smarmy, hypocritical little shits.

Corbyn – now there’s a bastard if you ever saw one. Sharon Osbourne’s description of the whiskered Islamist yesterday was OTT but wholly understandable – she described Corbyn as an “arrogant, ugly f**k” and said she wanted to “physically hurt him”, after talking about how her father was “tortured” by fellow British soldiers during the war because he was Jewish. How can an anti-Semite lead Her Majesty’s Opposition in 2019? Are people that dumb that they still vote for what used to be Labour, now friend of CAGE (Al Qaeda) and Hamas?

Let’s have an election. Now. And let’s use all our anger and pent-up frustration to rid the land of these reprobates. They have suckled too long on the public teat as have the civil servants who all need to be re-interviewed to find out if they even have a job. In the real world these Labour lickspittles, drowning in corruption, need the cover of unions and councils to get jobs – they could never run a business let alone a bath. There must be a way for the Brexit Party to get rid of Cooper? Hammond and awful Tory has-beens like Hammond and Clarke are surely already toast? Reducing the Labour Party down to a tiny rump of self-harming Trots is feasible if we drag all the cripples out of hospitals to vote, intercept those Labour boxes of dead votes and padlock the gates on the mosques and asylums?

Then let’s hit the EU where it bloody well hurts. Let’s switch our Mercs and Beamers for Teslas. Chilean wine will suffice. Belgian chocolate can go jump, we’ll eat our own thank you very much. Irish meat can rot at the border and cast a plague of flies on Varadkar, along with Danish bacon and those silly, tiny bananas we’re forced to eat instead of the big ones just in case we use them as sex toys. Let’s fire DfID aid at the Commonwealth and light it up, so the Americans get envious of Britishness again – not by giving our money to NGOs run by Labour placers like Miliband, or to Save the Children gropers, but to British businesspeople who can go out there and build bridges for trade with those the EU turned our backs on.

If the EU gets all shirty and starts revoking Brits’ passports on the Costa Brava then let’s send a fleet across and pick up the red, sangria-soaked wrinklies – there are plenty of empty homes that they left in Middlesbrough and Bradford which need an economy-boosting 30-minute makeover. And if we run out of immigrants to serve in McDonalds while we wait for technologists to develop the right robots, then our Ukrainian pals are more than welcome to join us – let’s build them flats in Washwood Heath, Tower Hamlets and Alum Rock where they can break apart the no-go zones while they’re at it.

As for the BBC and Sky News, let’s welcome Fox Britain over with open arms for some fair and balanced coverage. With the BBC exposed to the market place after the licence fee is scrapped and Adam Boulton wheeled off to hospital with a fever when Brexit finally happens, Fox can clean up.

And what shall we tell our children and grandchildren when they look back over the footage of these three dreadful years since the EU Referendum?

We were held back by cowards and little people, children. But fear not, for now they are gone.

Nigel Rafferty is an angry voice-over artist from Bristol.

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