The august classics faculty of the University of Cambridge has now decided it must explain, as part of its anti-racist strategy,  the “whiteness” of its plaster casts of Roman and Greek sculptures on display at its Museum of Classical Archaeology. The City Grump thinks it is high time he makes his own contribution to stamping out white as used in well-known places and enterprises. Here are my top five suggestions:

The White House should be renamed Neverland. This covers a number of bases. Firstly it pays homage to the home of a famous non-white singer and secondly it is very much in tune with the current incumbent’s desire to shut himself away from the outside world.

Whitehall to become Varietyhall. Apart from this important acknowledgement of diversity, I feel it is appropriate recognition of the many comedy acts that have occupied and indeed continue to occupy the grand offices of State in SW1.

The Isle of Wight. While not strictly white it is pronounced “white” so why not change it to Isle of Colour? After all the Isle of Wight was chosen by our illustrious Prime Minister for his first experimental Test and Trace App so where better to experiment with calling all its good citizens people of colour?

Whitechapel to be renamed Abbottchapel after that coherent champion of the Left and Hackney MP, Diane Abbott. Diane’s observations that “the problem in Britain is not immigration, the problem in Britain is White people” and “75% of voters are racists and the other 50% support me” makes her a shoe- in for Whitechapel’s change of name.

The White Company. Famous for selling white linen, bath towels, etc  its now  time for a makeover. I suggest it becomes the Kodachrome Company or, if Kodak baulks at that, then the Polychrome Company will do instead. Thus, in future, all  its products will come in the colours of the rainbow and everything white will be expunged.

Dear Readers, I leave you to put forward other candidates for the City Grump’s Whiteout Campaign in recognition of Critical Race Theory’s burgeoning presence. Or as William Blake might have said:

I will not cease from Mental Fight

Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand

Until we have stamped out whiteness

In our green and pleasant lands.

The City Grump has spent some 40 years in the City of London. He started as a stockbroker’s analyst but after some years he decided he was too grumpy to continue with the sell side of things so he moved to the buy side and became a fund manager for the next 20 years, selling his own business in the 1990s. Post the millennium, he found himself in turn chairing a stockbroker, a financial PR company, and an Exchange. He still keeps his hand in, chairing a brace of VCTs and investing personally in startups. The City Grump’s publications are available here.