Wooferendum

BY CHARLES SULLIVAN

There are certain moments in political campaigns when you know the side not seeking publicity has developed unstoppable and winning momentum. In the post-vote People’s Vote campaign, one such moment was the arrival of EU Supergirl, Madeleina Kay – she personified the whining, out-of-tune position of Continuity Remainers and helped turn Remainers away from the Continuity remain cause. Another was the rise to fame of Steven Bray – the annoying bloke dressed in European blue and gold sporting a top hat, who was paid to disrupt news broadcasts outside the Palace of Westminster. Recent talk of a Government of National Unity comprised of Remain diehards was another such moment as Remainer fossil Ken Clarke was rolled out like some harmless Great Grandfather, as if we’d all forgotten about his late night curry house plotting meetings with the Speaker, poisonous John Bercow.

What will be the actual moment that Brexiteers can look back on and say, that was it? When was it that we knew that Continuity Remain reached new levels of ridiculousness in their attempt to seek publicity – when we won the post-vote war?

When Continuity Remainers decided to parade their dogs as Remainers – that was when it became obvious to me that the genie was out of the bottle and we were actually leaving the EU. Why? Dog owners know full well that most dogs have an equivalent human mental age of two and a half years. To suggest that they have the wherewithal to hold a political position on Brexit is insane. To parade them as Remainers is as if child abuse. To even imply that dogs are en masse Continuity remainers is beyond weird – it’s creepy.

The Wooferendum Campaign was as desperate as can be. Its campaign material asked what would you do if your best friend was in trouble? Would you do something? On the Wooferendum website (yes such a thing exists) a succession of dogs made comments about Brexit. Its spiel was written as if by a dog and read:

“As man’s best friend, we can see that Brexit is a real dog’s dinner. That’s why canines all over the country are starting a Wooferendum, howling on behalf of the millions of people in the UK who believe Brexit is a huge mistake.”

One could sign up on the site for a Woofletter amidst requests from the Wooferendum founder Daniel Elkan for funding. Apparently a march on Westminster by dog owners was arranged in October last year at which dogs stopped along the way to pee on images of prominent Brexiteers. (That passed me by I must say). The reason for the march? – “Organisers of the so-called “Wooferendum” campaign argued that animals would suffer from leaving the EU, saying there would be a shortage of vets and a rise in pet food costs.” (This sounds like a dumb excuse to lessen embarrassment for Wooferendum organisers who had been sent crowdfunding cash by a bunch of gullible dog owners.)

For me Wooferendum was the moment that signified the post vote win for Brexiteers. I can tell you now, it’s over. We won the vote and now we have won against Continuity Remainers. One day soon we can look back at the mess caused by Continuity Remain over the last few years and realise the truth – that winners don’t arrange Wooferenda.

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