BY THE EDITOR You have been told that one name may fall. That another may rise. You are encouraged to feel hope. This is a trap. Consider your current condition. You live under the apparatus of Starmer. He is not a man. He is a function. A grey suit filled with procedural dust. He speaks in paragraphs sterilised of meaning. His cruelty is administrative. His … Continue reading Labour Chaos: The Succession
CSM EDITORIAL Let’s not mince words. At time of publication, Sir Keir Starmer hasn’t officially left Downing Street yet, but let’s be honest — he’s been politically dead for months. The only question is how long the undertakers will keep pretending. He’s toast. Burnt toast. The kind you discover at the back of the toaster, prod with a knife, and realise it’s been there so … Continue reading Toast
BY JIM BROWNE Clagnut. It arrives from the Northern English ‘clag’ — a sticky, clinging mass, the kind of mud that coats your boots on a Lancashire farm and refuses to let go. Add ‘nut’: a small lump, something you might find in places you would rather not examine too closely. The result is a term of singular, devastating precision: a small piece of faecal … Continue reading The Clagnut Prime Minister
CITY GRUMP You could argue that the Green Party has been cruising along happily in its eco-bubble for years when, suddenly—a la Ridley Scott’s Alien—out of the body politic bursts one Zack Polanski, creating mayhem wherever he goes. But, as in Alien, will the Ellen Ripley equivalent (Kemi Badenoch?) do for him? I don’t think Polanski is a 2026 Alien, but for me, the question is more: … Continue reading Is Zack Polanski Demonic?
BY ANDREW MILNE What happens to Israel today is what happens to the rest of the West tomorrow. ‘It is time for the silent majority in the UK to raise their voices,’ says Chief Rabbi, Sir Ephraim Mirvis, speaking after the stabbing of two Jews in Golders Green. I have a problem with the Jews: I adore them. I love them like the brothers and … Continue reading The Night Hounds of Upper Galilee
BY STEPHEN PAX LEONARD Let’s face a few difficult facts, the kind of facts that trigger that ever so British response: “Oh, well, we had best talk about something else” (before ‘heating the pot’ in the hope of redirecting the conversation to less saturnine matters). Over a short period of time, our country has become in parts unrecognisable. The apple orchards have been replaced with … Continue reading The Unforgiveable Scarring of Britain
BY JOHN NASH On 29th April, Nanny Beeb’s World Service broadcast a ten-minute audio about Peter Singer and his famous Drowning Child thought experiment – considered one of the most influential ideas in modern philosophy, no less. Imagine you are walking to work past a shallow pond and see a small child flailing, unable to keep its head above water. You can easily jump in … Continue reading Drowning Child
VICAR As the sea shifts from calm to tempest and the tides dictate the rhythm of life, our thoughts turn to those who venture into the deep. Our fishermen are the heirs to an ancient and perilous tradition, reading the signs of the water and trusting in their skill and courage to harvest its bounty. Their work connects our coastal communities to the timeless power … Continue reading A Prayer for Fishermen
BY ALLISON LEE Alison O’Neill comes from a family of hill farmers, so farming is deeply rooted in her heritage. She describes her family as “Sedbergh folk who started farming in Garsdale, in the Yorkshire Dales.” Alison recalls her father’s sale of the family farm in the late ’70s following his heart attack. She found the experience very distressing, especially since he was the final … Continue reading Daughter of the Dales
BY NICHOLAS ENGERT There was a time when, in public, everyone would be adorned with a hat. It was unthinkable to be seen without a hat. Neither men nor women would venture out without the most defining of all accessories. The hat is not only practical, in that it assists in keeping one warm and dry, but more importantly, perhaps it confers the status of … Continue reading The Fedora
BY DOMINIC WIGHTMAN He is seventy-seven, and he has never missed a Sunday. Let that land. He locks the church at 5:45, unlocks it at 6:00, and in the fifteen minutes between, fifteen minutes of silence, of solitude, of the only intimacy he has ever truly wanted, he polishes the brass as though God keeps score in microns. His name is Geoffrey Thistlethwaite, which he … Continue reading The Sacristan
BY PAUL T HORGAN Of course, Sir Keir could see a revival in the opinion polls. British armed forces could reveal a Wunderwaffe that, when used by Ukrainians, causes the Russian hordes to retreat from Ukraine like the Blue Meanies did from Pepperland when confronted by The Beatles, while, when used by the USA, permanently secures safe passage in the international waters of the Straits of Hormuz. … Continue reading Kicking the Can
VICAR Dear Readers of Country Squire Magazine, I trust this Sunday finds you in good heart, perhaps with the last of the morning mist burning off the fields and a pot of something strong brewing in the kitchen. There is a particular blessing to a late spring Sunday, isn’t there? The hedgerows are frothing with cow parsley, the swallows have returned to the barn, and the … Continue reading A Prayer for Noticing
BY JONNY GLOVER What I enjoy most about having friends from home come visit us in South Africa is that it gives us a nice excuse to explore other parts of the country which we may not otherwise be motivated to do. This time, my best friend and all around good time, Liz, came to stay and we planned our first safari trip ever to … Continue reading Kruger
CSM EDITORIAL There is a peculiar madness sweeping through Britain’s polling stations. While the country frets over the usual inadequacies of Labour and the Conservatives, a far more insidious force has crept up on the inside. The Green Party, once a harmless receptacle for earnest students and angry pensioners, is now within striking distance of power. And its programme is not merely eccentric. It is … Continue reading The Loony Green Menace
BY BERT BURNETT Let’s face it: this was never about finding a lost habitat or restoring a balanced ecosystem. It was never about bringing back the wildcats or the sea eagles for their own sake. No – somewhere along the line, genuine conservation got hijacked. What we have now is a carefully manufactured machine designed to make the public feel guilty, pass the blame onto … Continue reading The Great Rewilding Swindle
BY SEAN WALSH Why the Pope and the commentators are wrong on Iran There are good reasons for believing that the relativists are doing the devil’s work, regardless of whether or not they know this. Relativism claims either that (a) what is true is contingent, and changes with culture, geography and calendar date 1; or (b) that truth is irretrievably hidden from us and that our relationship … Continue reading Papal Fallibility
VICAR Dear Readers of Country Squire Magazine, I trust this Sunday finds you in a reflective mood, perhaps with the rain pattering gently against the windowpane and the scent of damp earth rising from the garden. There is a particular honesty to a rainy Sunday, isn’t there? It asks nothing of us but to be still. No urgent work in the fields, no pressing repairs on … Continue reading A Prayer for Rainy Sundays
BY ALLISON LEE Colne Valley Museum – a Grade II listed building – is housed in four cottages built in the 1840s by the Pearsons, a family of independent cloth manufacturers whose relatives still live in Golcar today. These weavers’ cottages, named ‘Spring Rock’ by James and Sally Pearson, were built into the steep hillside, with the traditional entrance for the lower rooms (like our modern … Continue reading Colne Valley Museum
BY ROGER WATSON There was a time, not so long ago, when crossing the Humber felt like an occasion. You approached the Humber Bridge with a certain ceremony, slowed your pace, fumbled for coins (or later, a card), and exchanged a nod, sometimes a word, with the attendant in the booth. It was not merely a crossing; it was a small, ritualised pause between the … Continue reading A Toll Tale
