Some Of My Best Friends Aren’t Black


‘I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the colour of their skin but by the content of their character’
Martin Luther King, August 28, 1963.

As any proponent of identity politics and cultural Marxism knows all too well, the above quote is a load of shit. Dreams are dangerous.

Since joining the regressive left, I’ve experienced a recurring one in which Jeremy Corbyn and I burst into the House of Commons armed with Kalashnikovs and massacre the entire Conservative party and PLP wearing only our vests, underpants and matching black berets. Occasionally it climaxes with myself and the Labour leader whistling Ode to The Motherland and spooning each other on a pile of blood-soaked Tory corpses.

Sometimes a naked John McDonnell patrols the back-benches stoving in the heads of still-breathing Blairites with the blunt end of the ceremonial mace. And one unforgettable version last September featured McDonnell wearing Theresa May’s head as a mask while myself and Jezza sliced the clothing from Stella Creasy’s dead body with penknives before carving hammers, sickles and comedy penises into her back.

The point being, as happy as I and most Corbynites would be to carry out such brutality in the name of protecting Our Glorious Leader, the whining from the Tory press would be unbearable if they found out Her Majesty’s Opposition had spent the afternoon murdering the entire British political class before mutilating, desecrating and drawing cocks on their corpses. After all, they demonise Corbyn for praising dictators and religious fascists: can you imagine the outrage from the Murdoch empire if they found out that, as well as being a psychopathic killer, he also owned the same hat as Che Guevara? We’d never hear the end of it.

Which is why Dr King should have just let the people who know best decide what’s good for his four little children. As any good regressive leftist knows, only a simpleton would ignore the huge impact a person’s race – as well as their gender, religion, sexuality, political persuasion and opinion of Stewart Lee – has on the content of their character.

To put it bluntly, Rosa Parks and Ben Elton didn’t fight the equality wars so that ethnic minorities could be judged by the same standards as everyone else. And even if they did – tough shit, things have changed. The day blacks, gays, Muslims, women and transgenders start being treated as autonomous human beings every bit as capable of independent thought as white liberals is the day we might as well all give up and join UKIP. We worked hard to hand these communities the victimhood we decided they wanted. We won’t give that up without a fight no matter how many gay chat-show hosts or black presidents you throw at us.

If the likes of Black Lives Matter had their way it would stay like that, as their manifesto is virtually a love letter to segregation. Because any good liberal knows there are times when it’s necessary to promote segregation, such as when it’s done by a member of a group bestowed with that most valuable honour in the modern left-wing handbook – victimhood.

Some may argue that segregation and victimhood were the last things Martin Luther King had in mind when he spoke of his ‘dream’. Well doctor, I’m awfully sorry but your dream will have to wait until privileged white males learn that the best way to become a beacon of tolerance is not to treat people as equals but to collect ethnically diverse acquaintances like cub scouts collect badges.

Holding minorities to a different standard and indulging in the racism of low expectations has long been a cornerstone of liberal thinking. Luckily, despite the best efforts of sell-outs like Morgan Freeman, that won’t be changing any time soon.

Ben Pensant is a Country Squire Guest Writer. His writing is housed here.