BY BEN PENSANT Nazis come in all shapes and sizes: Nazi Tories, Nazi Republicans, Nazi Blairites, Nazi Gays, Nazi Blacks, Nazi Muslims. Hell, you even get Nazi Jews these days, though they tend to just call themselves ‘Jews’. Like most Nazis, they’re all united by a hatred of progressivism, a desire to murder leftists, and the fact that none of them are actually Nazis. But the … Continue reading Mask of Sorrow
BY BEN PENSANT So notorious right-wing porn mag Harpo’s has published its eye-poppingly offensive letter, signed by an assortment of successful authors, respected academics, and some weirdo who has sex with sharks. As you’d expect, the signatories were all white males, even the black or female ones: the worst kind of white males. So like most sensible leftists, my reaction focused on them rather than … Continue reading Letter From Hell
BY BEN PENSANT Lord Corbyn may have been perfect in every way but ultimately he was just too nice. And there’s no better example of this too-niceness than his attempts to appeal to normal people instead of targeting lunatics. It pains me to say it, but as thrilling as it was abusing people on the internet for four years, I now realise that instead of … Continue reading Where We Leftists Went Wrong
BY BEN PENSANT Marvin Scorsese has made a fortune out of offending people. For fifty years he’s terrorised audiences with his abhorrent blend of racist sloganeering and blood-splattered exploitation, safe in the knowledge that his status as white Hollywood royalty insulates him from the consequences of his crimes. From The Godfather to The Wolf Of Wallsend, Scorsese’s films are crude celebrations of toxic masculinity, with … Continue reading The Irishmen
BY BEN PENSANT There are many things to admire about pint-sized Eco-warrior Greta Funbag, such as her courage, intellect, shiny locks, and cute-as-a-button nose. She has a finger-wagging demeanour which is beautifully complimented by a cold stare so piercing it could make an organic onion cry. However, Greta’s two most impressive features have little to do with pigtails or principles. In fact they have little … Continue reading Greta
BY BEN PENSANT Last week the alt-right pulled off their most brazen trick yet, in an act of theft so cheeky it makes the 1958 Israeli land grab look like that episode of Home and Away when Todd pinched Jim’s sandwiches. Because when lefty comic and former mental patient Joe Brand cracked that hilarious gag on Radio 5 about throwing battery acid at politicians, Tory … Continue reading Right Becomes Left
BY BEN PENSANT Society is damaged by the insidious trend for fake people. Take Titania MacGrath, the pretend-leftist who melted fascist hearts with her recently published manifesto, Woke: A Guide To Crypto Fascism, the most offensively unfunny book I’ve never read and have no intention of reading. In fact, it was so dreadful I might not read it again just in case I missed something … Continue reading Titania
BY BEN PENSANT Little good has come from the twin horrors of Brexit and Trump, unleashed three years ago to strike fear and loathing into the hearts of celebrity QCs, milquetoast columnists, and shit-for-brains actors everywhere. Sure, leaving the EU has emboldened decent liberals who spent years fighting hatred and bigotry, gifting them a free pass to be hateful and bigoted towards 17 million people … Continue reading The Fall of Roger Crouton
BY BEN PENSANT Fighting fascism isn’t for everyone. The hours are shitty, the pay is non-existent, and few of us possess the mental strength to spend every waking hour staring at a phone, calling strangers Nazis, and utterly destroying the Tories by re-tweeting edgy memes of Theresa May scratching her arse. And with Sunday’s fresh set of right-wing press smears followed by the Jewish Lickspittle Movement’s vote of … Continue reading Far Right Facade
BY BEN PENSANT There isn’t much we can predict with absolute certainty in 2019. In the old days, if your best mate told you his new girlfriend was a Tory you could deduce with confidence that she’d be white and wealthy with a penchant for throwing stones at disableds. But the modern world is so arse-about-face, the dumb public so susceptible to fascist gaslighting, that even … Continue reading Sunshine On Keith
BY BEN PENSANT The greatest weapon in the left’s arsenal is the ability to hold two conflicting opinions at once. It’s a skill dopey right-wingers call ‘cognitive dissonance’ – a fascist concept invented by Hitler and weaponized by trolls to smear the type of people who abhor misogyny, homophobia and antisemitism but defend the planet’s most misogynist, homophobic and antisemitic religion. So us Lefties can … Continue reading Left-Wing Hypocrites Don’t Exist
BY BEN PENSANT I was delighted to read about the Women’s Respite Centre of East Minnesota University and their brave decision to no longer host productions of Eve Angel’s The Vagina Chronicles, the crudely offensive play that has been inciting violence and delighting self-hating menstruaters for 34 years. Their ballsy statement was issued following a survey of students and a workshop entitled ‘Not All Women … Continue reading Ban Them!
BY BEN PENSANT Despite appearances to the contrary, television drama is the last place you’d look to find turbo-wokeness. Sure, the BBC tries, but even their best efforts are hamstrung by the same deference to the alt-right that sours their news coverage, with its refusal to report that the Leave campaign still aren’t being investigated by the police, and its habit of airbrushing photos of … Continue reading I Want My ITV
BY BEN PENSANT Dear Graham, Oh dear, Graham. What the hell happened? As Samuel L. Fishbone said to Al Pacino in Jackie Burns before shooting him in the chest: “You used to be beautiful…”. And I don’t just mean beautiful, like Noam Chomsky in a tutu kicking a Zionist’s shin. I mean really beautiful, like an ethically sourced whale-spunk omelette washed down with a shot … Continue reading An Open Letter to Glinner
BY BEN PENSANT I was delighted to learn of the new twists taken in the heart-warming story of Swedish airplane hero Ellen Eriksson If you’re anything like me you’ll have marvelled at courageous Ellen’s refusal to sit down on a plane until an Afghan asylum seeker facing deportation was removed. And you were probably also horrified by the alt-right bigots who immediately piped up with … Continue reading Ah Sweden!