Sunshine On Keith

BY BEN PENSANT There isn’t much we can predict with absolute certainty in 2019. In the old days, if your best mate told you his new girlfriend was a Tory you could deduce with confidence that she’d be white and wealthy with a penchant for throwing stones at disableds. But the modern world is so arse-about-face, the dumb public so susceptible to fascist gaslighting, that even … Continue reading Sunshine On Keith

Left-Wing Hypocrites Don’t Exist

BY BEN PENSANT The greatest weapon in the left’s arsenal is the ability to hold two conflicting opinions at once. It’s a skill dopey right-wingers call ‘cognitive dissonance’ – a fascist concept invented by Hitler and weaponized by trolls to smear the type of people who abhor misogyny, homophobia and antisemitism but defend the planet’s most misogynist, homophobic and antisemitic religion. So us Lefties can … Continue reading Left-Wing Hypocrites Don’t Exist

Ban Them!

BY BEN PENSANT I was delighted to read about the Women’s Respite Centre of East Minnesota University and their brave decision to no longer host productions of Eve Angel’s The Vagina Chronicles, the crudely offensive play that has been inciting violence and delighting self-hating menstruaters for 34 years. Their ballsy statement was issued following a survey of students and a workshop entitled ‘Not All Women … Continue reading Ban Them!

I Want My ITV

BY BEN PENSANT Despite appearances to the contrary, television drama is the last place you’d look to find turbo-wokeness. Sure, the BBC tries, but even their best efforts are hamstrung by the same deference to the alt-right that sours their news coverage, with its refusal to report that the Leave campaign still aren’t being investigated by the police, and its habit of airbrushing photos of … Continue reading I Want My ITV

An Open Letter to Glinner

BY BEN PENSANT Dear Graham, Oh dear, Graham. What the hell happened? As Samuel L. Fishbone said to Al Pacino in Jackie Burns before shooting him in the chest: “You used to be beautiful…”. And I don’t just mean beautiful, like Noam Chomsky in a tutu kicking a Zionist’s shin. I mean really beautiful, like an ethically sourced whale-spunk omelette washed down with a shot … Continue reading An Open Letter to Glinner

Ah Sweden!

BY BEN PENSANT I was delighted to learn of the new twists taken in the heart-warming story of Swedish airplane hero Ellen Eriksson If you’re anything like me you’ll have marvelled at courageous Ellen’s refusal to sit down on a plane until an Afghan asylum seeker facing deportation was removed. And you were probably also horrified by the alt-right bigots who immediately piped up with … Continue reading Ah Sweden!

Stop Harassing Us Lefties

BY BEN PENSANT It is just unfair that anyone other than us Leftists can use social media to stop funding hate. I am referring to the recent case of James Gunn and other cases that the right have won against us using OUR social media. Sadly, mere weeks after Hollywood bosses correctly removed Scarlett Johannesburg from a transgender gangster biopic because she’s never possessed a … Continue reading Stop Harassing Us Lefties

Beware Friends Fest

BY BEN PENSANT A rotten freakshow rocked up in my hometown of Newcastle the other week, striking fear into the hearts of frigid Gender Studies professors everywhere. Friends Fest came to town. Or rather, ‘Fascist Fest’. For the uninitiated, Friends was a white supremacist ‘sitcom’ that debuted on Channel 5 in 1992, turning a generation of vulnerable youngsters into racist, fat-shaming, transphobic, misogynists. I was 14 when it first … Continue reading Beware Friends Fest

May Oop North

BY BEN PENSANT Three weeks ago Theresa May visited Newcastle. Yes, really. Not content with squatting in PM Jezza’s house for the past twelve months she also craps all over his proud history by delivering a sermon to the proles from the same venue that hosted one of his greatest triumphs. Indeed, the assorted resting actors, non-binary creatives and unemployed craft beer entrepreneurs who witnessed Jezza’s … Continue reading May Oop North