Pop Quiz:

  • Who harassed a marginalised WOC (Woman of Colour) for supporting someone who believes Jews want to turn black men gay?
  • Who smeared PM Corbyn as an anti-Semite just because he was a member of an anti-Semitic Facebook group?
  • Who accused the Dear Leader of being a Putin stooge before sneakily making him appear more Russian by digitally altering his iconic Lenin cap to make it look slightly blacker?
  • And who staged a terrorist attack in a Sainsbury’s carpark which used Russian nerve gas, targeted a former Russian agent, and deployed decidedly Russian tactics that couldn’t be more Russian if a signed photo of Putin straddling a unicorn in nothing but a Cossack hat was left at the crime scene?

If it isn’t blindingly obvious, the answer is The Zionist lobby, that multi-tentacled diabolical goylem controlling the BBC, CNN, IBM, REM and the so-called International Space Station (which is actually on a private beach in Tel Aviv).

And boy, did they aim low, demanding Corbyn explain why until 2015 he was a member of Palestine Love, the secret Facebook group where a diverse bunch of anti-Semites, Islamists and anti-Semitic Islamists congregate to discuss everything from the New World Order to Ashgar Bukakke’s missing shoe.

The answer, of course, was simple: while Corbyn was a member, he never saw any anti-Semitism, but also left the second he saw some antisemitism. Clean, concise logic yet it still confused pea-brained trolls unversed in the cognitive dissonance of the modern left.

Of course, the Zio hounds weren’t having it, gunning for fellow leftists who were also ‘dragged in’ to the group, such as pie-faced economist Paul Mason. Luckily, he deflected the attacks on his character like an old pro by saying nowt and changing the subject. Indeed, when Mason’s membership of the group was revealed he cheekily spent the day bragging about a meeting he attended in Warsaw on Holocaust revisionism. Which, funnily enough, is also a hot topic over at Palestine Love. Though only when Paul and Jezza aren’t looking, obvs.

All of which rattled the Zio press, as their vile, slanderous and demonstrably true claims were roundly ignored by people who usually never miss an opportunity to condemn the far-right. Luckily, Corbynites are renowned for their humour, and professional gobshite Aaron Pastrami couldn’t resist breaking the embargo to deliver this absolute sick burn to the Wicked Witch of Downing Street:

‘I’d say journalists should check out what groups Theresa May might be in, then I remembered this is someone whose idea of a hobby is reading the telephone directory’

Ouch! May can only dream of being as interesting as Aaron, someone who said Labour losing an election was the best night of his life and whose idea of a hobby is hero-worshipping a 68-year-old sporter of shell-suits.

But aside from that zinger, Aaron kept a low profile. Though not as low as Owen Jones who still hasn’t mentioned Palestine Love despite his recent outrage at vile Tory Dominic Raab for being a member of a secret Facebook group where right-wing ghouls debate sending people to workhouses. Owen wisely ignored the flimsy accusations of hypocrisy as any idiot can see a bunch of creepy Tories discussing the privatisation of council houses is infinitely more sinister than paid up members of the Labour Party accusing The Jews of orchestrating 9/11.

But, as with Venezuela and Al Quds Day, what Owen doesn’t say is worth a thousand words. Luckily, the story soon fizzled out, though not before the Zios lined up their next smear, one which OJ would have a lot more to say about. And true to form, when the BBC disgracefully photoshopped a picture of the Dear Leader to make his hat look more Russian, Owen defended Jezza’s honour with passion, commitment and a bucketful of Oxbridge tears.

The Zionists would not give up. Next, Mossad sent a time-travelling alien back to 2012 to hack Jezza’s laptop and plant a message on his Facebook page praising an anti-Semitic mural. Not only that, on their way back they stopped off in 2015, deploying their Jewish Chronicle co-conspirators to report the Dear Leader’s words and ask the Labour Party for comment; all orchestrated to give the disgraceful impression they’d spent the last three years ignoring the story and hoping it would go away.

Corbyn’s people are old hands at deflecting demonstrably true accusations – especially ones concocted by Israeli timelords – and issued a statement denying any knowledge that the mural was anti-Semitic, Jezza’s eyes having suffered the same temporary failure they did when he was posting on Palestine Love or giving speeches surrounded by terrorist flags at Kill Jews Day.

Needless to say, Owen Jones spoke for all of us when he tweeted his ‘relief’ that Corbyn had offered a detailed explanation, delighted that the leader of the opposition and his team of advisers had spent hours working on a press release which effectively said ‘I’m not anti-Semitic – I’m just thick!’.

And few could doubt the claim that his appreciation for the mural was purely a free speech issue. Indeed, we expect no less from a man who spoke out against the Danish Mohammed cartoons and recently told the British free press he was ‘coming’ for them. (I wish you’d come for me, Jeremy. Seriously, I’ll do anything. Anything.)

Because this is what you get with a man as cultured as Jezza, as demonstrated by the fact that his recent excuses appear to have been lifted wholesale from The Simpsons‘ Principal Skinner after he was spotted in Springfield’s burlesque club Maison Derriere: ‘I only went in there to find out how to get out of there!’. And if that’s good enough for OJ it’s good enough for me.

Now, is it too much to ask that we focus on the really offensive stuff? Because it may have escaped everyone’s attention but while Corbyn is being smeared as an anti-Semite for lauding an anti-Semitic mural, nobody seems to care that YouTube is teeming with non-anti-Semitic Scottish men teaching their dogs Hitler salutes for a laugh.

Priorities, anyone?

Still, at least Jezza managed to ride this out with grace and dignity, unlike the ageist trolls mocking his inability to see antisemitism when it’s staring him in the face.