Pygmy Week Begins


Another key week dawns for Brexit.

This week the political pygmies all vie for their place in the footnotes of History. When people look back in hundreds of years at how nation states resurfaced in the twenty first century to bask in peaceful cooperation, Brexit will be seen as the starter gun of national freedom from the straitjacket of undemocratic unions – and this week we shall see various attempts to become significant by certain politicians who would otherwise be forever-Lilliputians.

First up is Dominic Grieve with his coup attempt. Grieve deservedly took one hell of a pasting this weekend in the newspapers. Quentin Letts scored most hits with his duck comparisons in The Sun. Wrote Letts, “plenty of us clocked that Grieve was a bit of a prune, an oddball, the fogeyish son of privilege. Dominic Grieve’s loyalties were not to a rules-based system but to the blue flag of a European Union that is now, increasingly, our rival and our deadly threat.”

Next up is Yvette Balls. Her plan is to delay Brexit for a significant nine months after which, she dreams, out will pop a second referendum or remain. Her Leave-voting constituents best sum up this particular pygmy’s treachery:

Of course, there’s Squeaker himself who has to rubber stamp these seditious amendments, which presumably he’ll do with great glee, as he’s beyond caring about the British public, let alone his constituents, who want him out sharpish. Bercow is also taking a shellacking in the press, described as toe-curlingly annoying in the Telegraph last week and, hourly, by less polite epithets across social media.

Then finally we have the worst of all the pygmies – Leo “soldiers on the border” Varadkar. The leader of a nation half the size of London who could soon face up to the reality of backstop concessions or no-deal Brexit. Things are not looking too good for Varadkar or his stuttering sidekick, Coveney – the Gruesome Twosome as they are known in Northern Ireland. As the Irish Times reported on Saturday:

“The huge stakes at play for Ireland were underlined by the Central Bank, which warned this week that a no-deal Brexit would cost Ireland 4 per cent of GDP in the first year – an €8 billion economic hit including huge disruption. The speed at which it said a no-deal Brexit would hit was particularly notable and it is the first time an Irish official body has done this. There is a big difference between losing 4 per cent of GDP over 5 years, as the Department of Finance calculated in the case of a softer Brexit, or 4 per cent in one year. One is a nuisance, the other would cost a lot of jobs and likely lead to a supplementary budget.”

The reality is that all these pygmies are mere belly-button fluff before the Great Brobdingnagian of Brexit. With a bit of luck – recognising they are sitting on the tinder box of the potential fury of the British people, whose reaction towards anti-democracy will make the recent burning car in Londonderry look like a pound shop party popper – the Westminster faffers and the Dublin ditherer shall suitably give way.

We watch on expectantly with our Brexit cigars nestling in their humidors.

Swat the midgets, Mrs May. Prorogue the rogues if you have to. All cowards squeal when they know they are done for. The rest of them are only angling for a spot on Strictly.