The Way of the Tomato Frog


It is becoming pretty clear that there is no way out of Covid except – with a sizeable slice of luck – via a mass vaccination campaign. Covid’s repeat doses of death are here with us for a long time until the disease either burns out or is disarmed.

From a political standpoint, Covid is an absolute nightmare. The deaths, the numbers of sick and the powerlessness in spite of central government power-grabbing are grim aspects of Covid. Meanwhile, rebellions – many of which are bonkers – will only gather momentum. Our writers have stated before that MPs did not decide to stand before the voters last December to metamorphosise within a few months into glorified matrons – people in the wrong jobs soon get exhausted and increasingly prone to errors.

Governments across the globe are all taking a battering – mostly unfairly – for their reactions to this novel illness. Trump could well be booted out of the White House by a lightweight because of it. The grand and optimistic plans of Boris Johnson lie mostly in tatters on account of it. It doesn’t much matter whether incumbents are conservative, socialist or nationalist, they are all taking a hiding. So, what to do?


Did you know that when under attack, tomato frogs secrete a glue that causes a predator’s lips to stick together?

Give wee Sturgeon in Scotland, Burnham in Manchester, Anderson in Liverpool, the clown Drakeford in Wales, and other vocal opponents of the Conservative government as much local responsibility to deal with the issue as buries them. Secrete the glue of Covid onto those who complain loudest about the Government’s response to it – their lips shall soon stick together, nor will they know which way to turn.

Ah but isn’t that shirking responsibility?


So is blaming the Government response to the illness on scientific advisers. Scientists are like catholic priests – the former always hold a myriad of views based on the same statistics just as catholic priests, we hear, offer wildly varying penances for the very same sins.

Boris should bring the lippy Shadow Health Secretary onto a national board of Covid managers, led by the sacrificial lamb of the Health Secretary (his predecessor will do). The board shall be responsible for day-to-day management of the Covid PPE and support budget. The board shall demand daily answers from local political representatives as to why Covid is getting out of control in their areas – handing out pats on the back for areas showing improvement. Get rid of the often-inane journalist questions – the politicians should go on live TV each day and quiz the local politicians hard about their local areas. The Mayors of Scotland, Manchester, London, Liverpool and elsewhere pocket plenty from the public teat – now let them, for once, have some hard work to do to justify earning their chauffeurs and wages. Let’s see for real if regional government is fit for purpose – let them deal with announcing local death tallies. 

This will free up Government to get on with the real tasks of nation building which have been so sorely lacking over recent months – at a crucial juncture in our country’s history – drawing into the safe harbour of Britannia piles of essential jobs, human capital and cash from a growing list of increasingly turbulent lands abroad.