The #FBPE Guide to Losing Disgracefully

Let’s find a bolshie spokesperson who can lie us back into this Alastair Campbell

Let’s make out that Brexit is going to be a crippling disaster Project Fear II

Let’s find fault with the Referendum itself It was only advisory

Let’s call an exit without a withdrawal agreement (even though there’ll be loads of existing agreements) sound really bad Crashing Out – No Deal

Let’s fight the result in court using an identity-politically-correct messenger  Gina Miller

Let’s bypass the meanie MSM and have our own propaganda rag The New European

Let’s rustle up a tall lad to hijack Westminster news broadcasts and – oh this is wizard, lads and lasses – let’s give him a blue top hat to make him even taller Stephen Bray

Let’s have a rematch ‘cos we lost wah wah wah  A Second Referendum

Let’s use language to make out that No Deal is a disaster Cliff Edge, Lemmings

Let’s negotiate directly with the EU and undermine May Tony Blair

Let’s find a way of making it look like the winners cheated even though we used piles of undeclared and Government cash Electoral Commission

Let’s create a mass-retweet hashtag so it seems we are more numerous than we are. Let’s always have the last word. #FBPE

Let’s tarnish the winners as stupid white nativists Gammon

Let’s change the name of the second referendum to one that seems the majority now want a second vote even though they don’t  The People’s Vote

Let’s make out we’re clever and they’re all thick Professor Brian Cox, Dan Snow

Let’s make out that the winners are nasty racists It was all about immigration

Let’s bend stats to make out we’d win a new referendum Tiny poll sizes


Let’s make out the vote was only won by geriatrics on their last breath The Deatherendum Website

Now we’re exposed as nasty, let’s push the dimmest, most harmless muppet out in front of the public who they’ll just feel sorry for Madeleine Supergirl Kay 


Let’s claim the vote was biased by illegal social media ads Carole Codswallop, the failed Cambridge Analytica smear

Campbell is too tainted by Iraq. Adonis is creepy. Soubry’s got mad, flaring horse nostrils. AC Grayling’s not been the same since that Amsterdam trip. Someone else Marmite and infuriating to Brexiteers as spokesperson? Gary Lineker

Let’s reinforce the thick Brexiteer image by asking random Brexiteers for Brexit facts in the street and editing out all the clever respondents, leaving the thickest answers in short social media films Femi Oluwole

Let’s find a token Northerner to bat for us who our target Generation X have heard of Terry Christian

Let’s claim the vote was illegal EU Supreme Court (failure)

Let’s claim there was Russian interference in Brexit Russian Bots – More Carole Codswallop

Let’s fight Brexit using super-clever amendments Grieve

Let’s fight Brexit by using even more super-clever amendments Cooper-Boles

Let’s claim the Good Friday Agreement is threatened Leo Varadkar

Let’s pretend the IRA aren’t scared of being finished off this time round Londonderry “car bomb”

Let’s claim there will be a hard border in Ireland Simon Coveney

Let’s fight Brexit by amendments……oh f**k this, it’s not working lads

Let’s have one last crack at Project Fear Airbus, Ford etc

Let’s switch tack to saying the Brexiteers are clueless as if life will completely change on March 29th You don’t have a plan

Let’s get the EU apparatchiks to insult Brexiteers Special place in Hell, Guillotine 

Let’s have a European ally claim Britain will be too small a force to stand on the world stage Mark Rutte

Let’s abandon Brexiteer Corbyn “New Labour Party” to be created

Let’s get naked as no one is paying attention to us anymore Dr Victoria Bateman, Rachel Johnson “Boobs to Brexit”