BY JENNY SPIRES So, who are these townies us exurbanites like to make fun of? What do we mean when we talk of townies? Well, I have examined fora and chatrooms, read articles and blog posts, and what follows is a summary of what I dug up. In short, I discovered that Townies are of two classes – the lower and middle – as the … Continue reading What are Townies?
BY GEORGE LAWSON As a care home manager, I am always looking for new ways to keep our residents entertained. The days of care home managers allowing their residents to sit there and stare into mid-air all day long are, thankfully, a thing of the past. We aim to keep our residents’ minds open and active, so we have built an in-house cinema and we … Continue reading Harry the Hypnotist
BY MATTHEW CORRIGAN With the holiday season descending and the post-Brexit Pound having found a more realistic level, we may well soon be seeing an influx of foreign tourists to our shores. As ever, they will be most welcome. Seasoned visitors to the UK will be only too aware of our dismal performance when it comes to foreign languages, and will very likely have a … Continue reading A Guide To Post Millennial English
BY ANDY COLLIDGE What a world we live in, overstating almost everything, with entire social groups applying pressure upon themselves because they read something, heard something, or some media ass**** said something. Pressures that are not actually real, but, for an awful lot of people nowadays, an actuality that they seem to have to adhere to; their mindset overruled by the concept that it is … Continue reading Really? You’re Allergic?
BY NIKKI WILDE Sir Max Strapley – octogenarian head of the local Conservatives with a penchant for sherry and golf. Once got in trouble with the police for straying onto a village footpath from his garden carrying a Purdey Over and Under which he pointed at ramblers. Bob Quince – the local publican. Retired policeman from the Big Smoke full of tales of derring-do. Built … Continue reading 10 Countryside Villagers You Might Know
BY JON ALEXANDER The Left have scored a massive victory in their fight against Donald Trump by somehow managing to get their hands on his tax returns from 2005. They may or may not have broken the law to bring us Donald Trump’s tax returns from twelve years ago. I for one was on the edge of my seat to see what this startling discovery … Continue reading Tax Obsessed
BY JIM WEBSTER Over the years, I’ve avoided equine entanglements. I used to boast that I’d eaten horse more recently than I’d ridden one, but now, thanks to Tesco, pretty well everyone can say that. Still, I’ve avoided going into the whole “livery yard” diversification thing. Not through innate conservatism or immense wisdom but basically because I’d heard too many stories. One lass I knew … Continue reading A Cumbrian Farmer Writes
BY JIM WEBSTER Sheep aren’t the most stupid of God’s creatures; they’re not even the most stupid mammal. Indeed, horses could well have been created to allow sheep to feel that smug glow of intellectual superiority that everyone needs from time to time. Not that this is high praise. There are single celled creatures floating in seas of freezing ammonia, illuminated by the dying suns … Continue reading A Cumbrian Farmer Writes
BY ANNA BOWEN No really, you should. Chances are she can use a gun, whether its for game, vermin or clays. Only issue is that she may shoot straighter than you… Big machines won’t phase her. Nor will going fast on a quad bike with limited safety considerations. After a lifetime with a horse between her legs she has thighs of steel and a remarkable … Continue reading Why You Should Marry A Farmer’s Daughter
BY HENRY LORD With Wales losing to the English at the Principality Stadium two weekends ago and the Kiwis desperately worried about both the rise of the English National Rugby team under Eddie Jones and the imminent British Lions tour to New Zealand (and the boss in hospital having yet another knee op), the brains trust here at Country Squire Magazine – empathetic as ever – decided … Continue reading For the Love of Sheep
BY ANNA BOWEN Hunts are all different, but some people are the same. These characters, from my experience, are the types of Hunt followers you’re likely to meet in the field: 1. The Ex-Racehorse Addict Carly bought Squidge for £2 from Ascot sales last month. All is going well, apart from the awkward moment at opening meet when he mistook the rolling lawns of Deadbear … Continue reading 36 Hunt Followers You’ll Meet
BY TOM JENNINGS Dear Jeremy, I was given the task of writing a “Corbyn Piece” for Country Squire Magazine. I couldn’t think what the hell to write. So, last Sunday, I sought inspiration with a pint in a Shropshire pub garden overlooking a sun-soaked December countryside and had a ponder about you and Labour, whilst puffing on a Keir Hardie pipe. I looked at your situation from … Continue reading A Love Letter to Jezza
BY ANASTASIA CHOO Secret Santa is a concept – where you’re randomly assigned a person for whom you must buy an anonymous gift within a set budget – which, on the surface, seems tailor made for the work place. After all, it’s completely impractical for everyone at work to buy everyone else a present, even if they wanted to, which probably they don’t. However, in … Continue reading 7 Types of Secret Santa to Fear
BY ANNA BOWEN You may or may not have read Country Life‘s article; a guide to being a modern day gentleman. The list of attributes includes things like being able to ride a horse and sail a boat, alongside other examples of what that magazine deems chivalrous behaviour. My father took two lessons from school; the ability to polish shoes (thanks cadets) and a brief knowledge … Continue reading How To Be A Country Gentleman
BY ANNA BOWEN Ball season is upon us so here’s a handy list… Down a shot for every one that you spot! 1 The Little Princess Allowed at the ball as a very special treat. Wears a sparkly dress and throws a tantrum because she’s not given a glass of wine on arrival. Spills profiteroles over said dress. Papa is very concerned about the years … Continue reading 10 People You Meet at Hunt Balls